Brad 2014

 

 Today marks the third anniversary of my son Bradley's death. I awoke this morning at 4:30 with these words in my heart:

Sometimes my heart feels like a wet rag being twisted and wrung out with the pain of him not being here; With the longing for him to come and fill up that gigantic vacuum he left in my soul—in our souls.

The only thing I can do to ease the pain, bring some light into the darkness, unclinch my heart, is to go into the Spirit, the Holy Spirit of Christ Himself, and His great Love, the same Love that was and  still is in Bradley; the Love from which all the various loves come. Then I hear His voice reminding me about the “many rooms” and comforting me with “fear not, don’t be troubled”* and I begin to know again, in an ever deepening way, about that Light that is the Light of man, the Core and center of the universe from which all has come, to which all will return, in which all currently resides; the God Who is Love, Who made Brad’s and everyone’s particular, unique personality possible; the One Who brought forth all that is and holds it together, on this side and the other side of death.

I have to and I want to let my heart be filled up and filled up and filled up to overflowing with that Love from which came forth Bradley’s laughter, compassion, humor, loyalty, and all the particular instruments in the orchestra of his personality that played such a beautiful series of compositions for us for a time on this earth. And I want to remember too that not all the songs were happy ones for him or for us in this world; that he had his share of that tribulation that Jesus said we would all have; like the tribulation of losing someone you love.  But how amazing, how amazing, how over-the-top amazing that He said, speaking with the voice of eternal Truth that transcends all truth, “nevertheless, be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”  There, you see, right there, is when I hear Brad laughing! And when I see him, like I did in the dream that God gave me, I see him winking at me, with Jesus standing behind him, a hand on his shoulder, smiling, and behind them the Light of God, the conscious Core and Fabric of this universe, shining brighter than the sun, enveloping me and all of us in Eternity and in Love.

*From John 14.