The Problem and the Solution

 

THE PROBLEM

 

Gen 16:11-12

And the angel of the LORD said to her, "Behold, you are with child, and shall bear a son; you shall call his name Ish'mael; because the LORD has given heed to your affliction.

He shall be a wild ass of a man, his hand against every man and every man's hand against him; and he shall dwell over against all his kinsmen."

 

 

Rev 12:4

His tail swept down a third of the stars of heaven, and cast them to the earth. And the dragon stood before the woman who was about to bear a child, that he might devour her child when she brought it forth;

 

 

2Jo 1:7

 For many deceivers have gone out into the world, men who will not acknowledge the coming of Jesus Christ in the flesh; such a one is the deceiver and the Antichrist.

 

 

Jhn 3:19

And this is the judgment, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. [Jesus]

 

 

THE ONLY SOLUTION

 

Mat 5:43-44, Luke 6:27-28

"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.'

 

"But I say to you that hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, pray for those who persecute you, that you may the children of your Father in heaven.”  [Jesus]

 

 

1Jo 4:7-8

 Beloved, let us love one another; for love is of God, and he who loves is born of God and knows God.

He who does not love does not know God; for God is love.

 

When I read the Hamas Charter, my spirit recoiled as from a poisonous snake. What I heard was hatred enshrined in religious jargon. I realized profoundly that the spirit from which these words came could never be the God of the Holy bible—the God Who “is love.”   And I realized more profoundly than ever that Jesus is the only solution to the problem represented by the conflict between Israel and Hamas, and, more broadly, Islam. If you think this is too simple, you may continue to rant and rave with no effect, or you may be a contributor to the ongoing problem, feeding the fires of animosity and hatred. But the most powerful thing you can do is work diligently to promote the Christian Faith; for every Christian convert becomes a part of the solution to this problem—one who is forbidden by His Lord to hate his enemies. The front line warriors in this battle are Christian evangelists, especially those courageous ones who have been called to minister in the nations of greatest darkness, where they are being persecuted. [see thepersecutedchurch.com].    Pray for them, and support them.  A true Christian can live with any people group peacefully.  Various Christian denominations cooperate peacefully. Christians, living according to their Lord, do not persecute atheists, homosexuals, or cults. They simply attempt to bring the Light of God’s Truth and Love into this world. The places where they are excluded or persecuted are the darkest places on earth, where freedom is oppressed. Where Christianity flourishes, freedom and peace flourish.

 Help solve the world’s problems: live and support the Christian Faith.

Hamas: Their Charter and Goal

Link to Hamas charter


http://www.thejerusalemfund.org/www.thejerusalemfund.org/carryover/documents/charter.html?chocaid=397


Why Hamas hides ammunitions in schools, mosques, and hospitals. Washington Post article.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2014/07/31/why-hamas-stores-its-weapons-inside-hospitals-mosques-and-schools/?tid=hp_mm


Son of Hamas speaks ab out Hamas and America's response:
http://video.foxnews.com/v/3708958549001/son-of-hamas-founder-doubts-end-to-israel-gaza-conflict-/#sp=show-clips

Christianity and the Homosexual Agenda

Let consenting adults, in a democratic society, have sex privately however they choose as long as no one is hurt, taken advantage of, or abused.
And let Christians express their religion according to their Holy Book, their Lord Jesus Christ, and their conscience. But let not the freedom of sexual expression usurp the free expression of religious beliefs. Sexuality, for the sake of modesty, our children, and civil discourse, is and ought to be a private matter--not something to be flaunted in the public domain.  Religion, on the other hand, has a responsibility to be light and leaven in any culture; and though it can not be imposed on others, and should never be belligerent or arrogant, must be given free expression of its true beliefs. Our Founding Fathers, and the wise of all ages have recognized the preserving and life-enhancing effect of religion--not imposed, but freely expressed in any culture. When the doctrines and beliefs of Christianity are suppressed by the laws of the state, labeled "intolerant" or "hateful", we have clearly violated our Constitution, which leans much more heavily toward freedom of religion than it does toward freedom of sexual expression.
Let adults live out their sexuality however they choose within the confines of modesty and civility.  And let the religious be religious. But let not the State forcefully impose the one upon the other. The Constitution expressly grants religious freedom, but only implies  freedom of sexual expression. To require the Christian organizations and ministries in our country to violate their conscience and Biblical doctrines--forcing  them to support what they believe are unholy activities--is to pressure them to withdraw from any ministries that would require such violations.  This would create a vacuum of services for which the government would have to compensate [with tax dollars, of course], or simply deprive the citizenry of those services. It would, also, further marginalize the beneficent influence of the Christian faith into an isolated corner of society where it would be less effective in enhancing life for all people--even those who do not believe in its Truth. Jesus described His influence as "salt, light, and yeast" in a culture. Historically we have seen that the Christian faith, lived out in the Spirit of the One for which it is named, has never failed to enhance freedom, peace, and abundant life:  the very things Christ Himself promised.  Christianity cannot be a belligerent or violent religion. Jesus teaches us to love our enemies [Mt.:5:44]. The Bible teaches obedience to the laws of man, as long as they do not contradict the Law of God and His Love for the human family.  But if pressed into a decision to obey the laws of man or those of God, courageous Christians have no choice but to follow the latter. Christians disobey ungodly laws with civility, as the Freedom Riders in the Civil Rights Movement.
The laws we speak of here are only those laws that force us to contribute to anything considered ungodly by Biblical standards. We are not saying that homosexuals cannot be homosexuals. We are saying that we cannot be forced to treat and think of homosexuality as anything other than sin, which is what the Bible clearly states it to be [Gen.19, Lev.18, Rom.1]. And we cannot be asked to keep quiet about this belief, which is equivalent to "muzzling" the church, as did Adolf Hitler in Nazi Germany, and as does the communist regime of China. [Are we really "one nation under God"?]. 
Jesus commanded His followers to teach and preach--to let His Light shine among men [Mat.5], and  not to be ashamed of His teachings [Lk 9:26]. Man made laws that forbid such teaching and preaching will drive a wedge between all true Christians and the maker of those laws. [This, incidentally, is absolutely not what the concept of "separation of church and state" is designed to invoke. I invite you, if you have doubts about this, to look into it. http://www.wallbuilders.com/libissuesarticles.asp?id=123 . ]  Some who are pushing the homosexual agenda hold that Jesus' Love transcends the law, and therefore, as long as one loves, his sexuality does not matter.  Whatever truth there may be in this, Jesus Himself said "I do not come to abolish the law, but to fulfill it. ...[U]ntil heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the law until everything is accomplished." [Mat. 5:17]  Note that Jesus did not make any comment excluding the sexual laws in Leviticus 18. Furthermore, if a person with same sex attractions were living in the Love of God as exemplified by Christ, he certainly would not be using hateful tactics to drive his agenda down people's throats; nor would he be attacking and trying to suppress the free exercise of speech for those who opposed his viewpoint. One should not, therefore, invoke the Love of Christ against those toward whom he is unwilling to practice it.
I want to emphasize that Christians are not, as has been alleged by some, singling out homosexuality as some kind of specially heinous sin to be particularly attacked. We feel the same way about adultery, lying, cheating, stealing, pedophilia, drunkenness, cruelty, meanness, laziness, abuse, etc.  The difference is, [and what brings homosexuality into the light of Christian focus]  as far I know, no one is saying that those other sinful traits listed are god-ordained, healthy, and holy ways of living; and that no one should assert otherwise. It is this assertion--that homosexuality is natural, healthy, and equivalent to heterosexuality--that Christians must take issue with if they are seeking to live according to the Holy Bible and the Truth of Christ. Christians cannot hate homosexuals any more than they can assent to the homosexual lifestyle. To do so [hate homosexuals] would be as grave a violation of our Lord's commands as would assenting to the lifestyle. On the contrary, Christians have compassion for homosexuals who suffer like all other human beings. And Christians do not dictate to homosexuals that they cannot live the lifestyle they choose. We do not have the authority under God to do so. What Christians must do, whether allowed by the laws of man or not, is to proclaim truthfully what the Bible says, which we believe to be the eternal Word of the Creator, Who loves us all, whatever our sexual orientation, but Who has clearly and expressly, evidenced by our biological makeup,  created sex to be between a man and a woman.

Apologetics, Conversation with a Skeptic

Go to the link below to read an interesting conversation between an educated, articulate believer and a skeptic.




http://lindsays-logic.blogspot.com/search/label/Biblical%20Apologetics

Fifty Shades of Grey Commentary

I copied this from Mrs. Harold's blogsite. I didn't read the book and won't see the movie, but this gives me an idea of what it's about, and I love her take on it. Thank God for godly women.


Lindsay Marks Harold

• I think women gravitate to 50 Shades of Grey (and other similar erotica) because they haven't embraced the proper roles in sex and marriage. Feminism has taught them that they can never, ever, in any fashion submit to a man...unless it's during sex, if that sort of thing is their cup of tea. Anything goes in the bedroom. Feminism told them that it's degrading to be a stay-at-home mom or to submit to a husband or to want a lot of children. They should never have sex with their husbands unless they feel like it. They should never let a man make decisions for their family. But having a stranger use and abuse you sexually? Well, that's empowering, don't ya know.
  
  The other factor at play is that women are most attracted to men when men are most masculine. It's masculine and attractive to women for men to be in charge, confident, pow...erful, and robust. But feminism taught men to suppress these characteristics and taught women that any man who shows them is chauvinistic and oppressive. Thus men have learned to become passive and women have learned to hate and fear masculine men.
  
  In much of life, the feminization of men may seem to turn out fine for both sexes. We live in a culture where we don't often need a man to fight invaders and women can do most jobs. If the gender roles are rather blurred or even reversed, we can still survive. But in the bedroom, women have a hard time being turned on by a wuss. During sex, the natural differences of men and women are more noticeable and important. When that difference isn't emphasized, it makes arousal more difficult. Women are turned on by a man's more masculine traits. Opposites attract.
  
  When women find their sex life hum-drum because they either have a feminized man or have effectively emasculated him by forcing him to bow to their demands in order to get sex, they often get excited at the thought of being dominated. Erotica, like 50 Shades, appeals to their innate desire to feel a man's power and leadership, to be led and give up control. They may or may not realize it, but I think this is, for many women, the issue. They play a game of make-believe in their minds because feminism has told them it's taboo in real life.
  
  Of course, the male dominance in 50 Shades of Grey is a twisted and warped version that is debased and harmful. But in a culture of women yearning inside to find some semblance of real masculinity to submit to, it still appeals to them deep down. They don't have the real thing, so they fall for twisted counterfeits that have small glimmers of the masculinity they desire. They're like hungry people eating out of garbage cans, not realizing that they've ignored the gourmet restaurant down the street.
  

ARE YOU GOOD ENOUGH?

 

 

"Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector.

The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, 'God, I thank thee that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector.

I fast twice a week, I give tithes of all that I get.'

But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, 'God, be merciful to me a sinner!'

I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted."

 [Jesus] Luk 18:10-14

 

I recently witnessed another example of the “Pharisee spirit” illustrated in this story told by Christ:  A husband refusing to look at some aspect of his sinful nature that was hurting his wife, and instead harping, again and again, on his good qualities that should cause her to overlook this one, “small, insignificant” imperfection.  His tone was critical: “How dare you drag me into counseling and bring up this issue! “ He then began a long list of all the things he was doing for her.  He actually put himself in the top ten per cent of husbands in terms of what he was doing for his wife. The problem was, he was exacting a large fee in terms of emotional entitlement from his wife for all his “goodness” to her. He felt entitled to her not bringing up his issues. In his mind, his “goodness” entitled him to overlook his sinful nature manifestations.  He proclaimed that he did not need to change anything about himself; he was doing enough to prove his love for his wife. The fact that it was not enough for her was her fault—something she needed to work on. His wife was not the ungrateful type—she did indeed see his good traits.  She had tried to deal on her own with the comment he had made: “You’re gonna run me off,” that is, he implied that she was acting in ways that might cause him to leave her. This evoked a deep sense of insecurity on her part, and she needed to put it to rest. His reactions, I fear, increased rather than ministered to her insecurity in the marriage.

As so often happens in my counseling practice, I see issues in my clients that I then recognize in myself.  How about you?   Are there areas in your life that still need some improvement, but about which you are assuming that your “goodness” [in other areas] covers? 

The fact that Jesus’ horrific sacrifice covers our sin does not entitle us to stop taking an active part in our sanctification process. We must be very careful to find the balance between feeling forgiven and free from guilt and condemnation [on the on hand], and recognizing that we never attain perfection and always are in need of further growth [on the other].  In truth, we will not be able to abide in Christ’s peace if we are basking in the sunlight of our already-attained “goodness”.

 

Lord, please help us to never grow weary of growing up in You.  Deliver us from the terrible delusion that we are good enough; so that we can rest deeply in Your Grace.

Emotional Cutoff

Emotional Cutoff

The concept of emotional cutoff describes people managing their unresolved emotional issues with parents, siblings, and other family members by reducing or totally cutting off emotional contact with them. Emotional contact can be reduced by people moving away from their families and rarely going home, or it can be reduced by people staying in physical contact with their families but avoiding sensitive issues. Relationships may look "better" if people cutoff to manage them, but the problems are dormant and not resolved.

People reduce the tensions of family interactions by cutting off, but risk making their new relationships too important. For example, the more a man cuts off from his family of origin, the more he looks to his spouse, children, and friends to meet his needs. This makes him vulnerable to pressuring them to be certain ways for him or accommodating too much to their expectations of him out of fear of jeopardizing the relationship. New relationships are typically smooth in the beginning, but the patterns people are trying to escape eventually emerge and generate tensions. People who are cut off may try to stabilize their intimate relationships by creating substitute "families" with social and work relationships.

Everyone has some degree of unresolved attachment to his or her original family, but well-differentiated people have much more resolution than less differentiated people. An unresolved attachment can take many forms. For example, (1) a person feels more like a child when he is home and looks to his parents to make decisions for him that he can make for himself, or (2) a person feels guilty when he is in more contact with his parents and that he must solve their conflicts or distresses, or (3) a person feels enraged that his parents do not seem to understand or approve of him. An unresolved attachment relates to the immaturity of both the parents and the adult child, but people typically blame themselves or others for the problems.

People often look forward to going home, hoping things will be different this time, but the old interactions usually surface within hours. It may take the form of surface harmony with powerful emotional undercurrents or it may deteriorate into shouting matches and hysterics. Both the person and his family may feel exhausted even after a brief visit. It may be easier for the parents if an adult child keeps his distance. The family gets so anxious and reactive when he is home that they are relieved when he leaves. The siblings of a highly cutoff member often get furious at him when he is home and blame him for upsetting the parents. People do not want it to be this way, but the sensitivities of all parties preclude comfortable contact.

The Church

An interesting document is the testimony of Albert Einstein who, disenchanted by the silence of universities and editors of newspapers, stated in Time magazine (December 23, 1940): "Only the Church stood squarely across the path of Hitler’s campaign for suppressing truth. …The Church alone has had the courage and persistence to stand for intellectual truth and moral freedom." Indeed, executing the directives of Pope Pius XII, religious men and women opened their doors to save the Jews.

Love vs. Need

Once you learn that a pattern is dysfunctional, the smartest thing to do—the only thing to do—is to stop whatever you are doing to keep that pattern going, even if you don’t get whatever it is that you think you need from working that pattern. It’s better to not get what you need than to keep working a dysfunctional pattern. Your addiction to getting your needs met can keep you in a dysfunctional pattern for a long time—for the remainder of your life. The Bible says that God will supply ALL our need, according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. The primary need that we all have, whether we realize it or not, is to love God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength, and to love others as we love our self. Love is an energy, like light or pure water, flowing out from the core of your being which has been filled with the Holy Spirit because you have asked Jesus to be the Lord of your life. Need, on the other hand, is a pull inward toward your inner being because you feel empty, void, incomplete. Humans cannot make humans complete. Only God can do that. Loving and needing are not the same thing. The Bible teaches us to look only to God for our needs [even our people-needs], and to look toward others only with love, even if they are not doing what we think they should. This is the pathway of freedom.

To make one's growth contingent upon someone else's growth, for any reason, is an all-too-common act of self-defeat which is, at root, evil in the sense that it is a great delusion. We must never place another person in the position of preventing or blocking our growth toward and into God. We must wake up to our own power and responsibility to grow, which can not be retarded by others except to the degree that we are deluded into believing that it can be. We must detach from growth-encumbering attachments to others; and this must be carefully understood as not detaching from love (care, concern, willingness to sacrifice, etc.) for them. We must not, in our love for others, be attached to a need for them to grow; or a need for them to love us.

Sacrifice of Joy: Help for Depression

 

Below is a letter from a friend and client who was kind enough to share it with me. I'm sure this will be helpful to someone--maybe you!

Hello Mark,

 

I’ve had something on my heart to share with you for a while but for whatever reasons have not taken the time to do so but when I thought of it again today, I knew it was time.

 

I know in your practice you deal with people who suffer with depression, whether genetic, circumstance induced or both; it is a real struggle. I was going through a time myself when I read this and it helped me through. I hope that it might help with your clients or even inspire a devotion.

 

Psalm 27:6 “And now shall mine head be filled up above mine enemies round about me; therefore will I offer the sacrifices of joy; I will sing, yea, I will sing praises to the Lord."

 

The part that struck me at the time and caused me to think was “sacrifices of joy”. I realized that in my depression I could offer a sacrifice of joy and that it is truly a sacrifice when a person is depressed because  you are not feeling it; it’s something that in that time you have dig deep down below your feelings, put them aside and take whatever time is necessary to do that in order to find joy. Making yourself do that is a sacrifice because it takes all of your strength.  In order to find it I “sang praises”. I don’t have a voice for singing so I didn’t actually sing, but my heart did. My praises started with being thankful for so many things. This being thankful is a variation on what you encourage throughout your devotions. I was not just thankful for the things I have but really thankful for the encouragement through God’s word and that so many years ago he could foresee that His people would need to know about offering the sacrifice of joy; joy when you don’t feel it; joy when it takes everything within you to seek and find. And as I mentioned, I had to take the time necessary to do this recalling one your devotions referencing Psalm 131:2 “I have calmed and quieted my soul”. I had to consciously do this and quiet myself long enough to find joy and in finding it offering it up as my sacrifice.

 

Later in that same chapter vs. 14 “Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart, wait I say on the Lord”.

 

While I am seeking and finding joy and offering it as a sacrifice in spite of how I feel; I have the promise that I will have the strength to offer that sacrifice and also strength to overcome the depression; that my whole heart will be strengthened. How wonderful this is! I had to concentrate on this daily until my depression subsided. And I am so thankful that when it attempts to overcome me again; God causes me to recall that I have to quiet myself and offer this sacrifice of joy.

 

I hope I have been able to express how very much this meant and the intensity of it and truly hope it can be used to help someone else. There are so many people who struggle with depression. I am thankful for you and others in your profession who are blessed with the gift and have the knowledge to help others.

 

Thank you for being my friend, brother and counselor. I am thankful for Lynn also who I know has been an encourager to you in your practice and who is an example for all women (even tho I have never met her).

 

L.

Acceptance

ACCEPTANCE

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change;

The courage to change the things I can;

And the wisdom to know the difference. Serenity Prayer

"Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not my will, but Thine be done." Jesus

The pain of unfulfillment is that of our human condition itself. One of the aspects of maturity is acceptance of unfulfillment, without resignation. This, paradoxically, moves us toward fulfillment.

"We can surrender to God all the worry about the things we have left uncompleted"

Paul Tournier, Learn to Grow Old.

Despair is found in every level of society, in all societies, in every corner of humanity. Those who cope with it best are those who know and accept its universality. Those who seem to have the worst time of it are those who continue to cling to the illusion that if only they could find the right mate/job/religion/amount of money/social status/family/home/sexual partner, etc., they could avoid it.

God accepts me: That is grace.

I accept God: That is faith.

Because of the above, I accept myself: That is peace.

Being at peace with myself, I can accept my brother: That is love.

My acceptance of my brother facilitates his acceptance of me: That is fellowship.

Attributed to Aldrian Rogers

Sometimes our problem is that we are grasping for something, even though we think that our problem is the evasiveness or absence of that for which we are grasping. The absence of what we think we need is oftentimes not so much a problem as the fear that we might not attain it - or that we will not be able to get along without it (or her/him).

When we accept the things that God has allowed in our lives - the things that righteousness confines us to - and we come to know that they are from God, (or at least that God is in authority over them) we find that these are the things that we always wanted or needed, no matter how diverse they are from what we thought we wanted. This acceptance deeply transforms our inner experience of our life in a most amazing and beneficial way.

Wings and a Chain

WINGS AND A CHAIN

Mark F. Graham

I can't remember the first time I saw him, with his wings and chain.  At first he always seemed far away and easy to ignore.  But as time passed he seemed to move in closer upon me, and I became more aware of him, and more fearful.  Wherever I went he seemed to have either just been there, was there at the time of my arrival, or showed up soon afterwards.  I could often see him off in the distance, waiting and watching, his chain in one hand and the wings in the other.  It was the chain that scared me.  Whenever I saw it, I quickened my pace and tried to put distance between him and me.  Sometimes he came so close I could hear the tinkle of the chain, and would cringe in fear, hiding in frantic activity.  He never imposed, but I always knew he would be there when I slowed down and looked around.  He seemed to have incredible patience, and, despite my impatience, he kept pursuing me relentlessly.

Along the way it began to dawn on me that it was not good for a man to run and hide.  It was tough to face however, because I knew, deep down, that I would have to confront him - and the chain.  And the closer I came to the knowledge of that confrontation, the larger and heavier the chain appeared.  I began to spend most of my time planning how to avoid the chain.  The wings, however, continued to attract me to him.

It finally happened.  I had run long and hard that day only to find that he was already there at the end of the run.  I tried to hide in my regular pursuits, but they were meaningless, and the meaninglessness frustrated me, and I lashed out at him in anger and frustration.  I gave him no time to speak, but immediately lambasted him with my conditions of our relationship.  I confessed to him that he was certainly fascinating, and that there seemed to be some truth in what he represented, but I made it clear that we would progress on my terms.  I began explaining to him why I should not and could not be subjected to the chain.  But before I could complete my lengthy, prepared rationalization, I realized that he was offering the wings to me.  He was holding the chain partially out of sight, behind his back, as if he knew it was offensive to me, and he was holding the wings out, toward me.  I don't know how long he had been holding them out in that way, perhaps from the beginning of my monologue.

Then, a most amazing thing happened.  I can't explain it.  It changed my life.  It happened when, while reaching out to take the wings, for the first time, I looked into his eyes.  He did not seem to be offended, as I had expected.  He was not angry.  His eyes were not scolding me.  He was not trying to convince me that I should take the chain, and he was not shaming me for not taking it.  There was understanding in his eyes.  It was as if he knew about the battles inside of me.  It was as if he knew about the war.  His eyes captivated and penetrated me and drew me into a world that I never knew existed - a fascinating, dazzling world, the brightness of which I could only bear for a moment.  I withdrew quickly, in fear and embarrassment, from his gaze.  My eyes fell to the ground at his feet. I felt both warm and cold inside at the same time.  I dared not look into his eyes again, but rather hang-doggedly took the wings and turned away.

After a while, with the help of my new wings, I was able to shake the feeling that he had left inside me: the feeling of inferiority, of coolness, and of loose-endedness. 

I flew far and high.  And it was exciting - really exciting - for a while.  But after a while it seemed that each time I took flight the air was hot and stale in my face, and unrefreshing, like diving into a hot swimming pool.  And, even though I flew far and high, and into many strange lands where I had never journeyed, there always seemed to be something wrong - something missing.  The water would be polluted, or the air, or the climate was bad, or the people wouldn't look at your face when they spoke, or they appeared weakly and sick.  Many places where I stopped had beautiful gardens and orchards with flowers and fruits, and, just as it seemed that I had found the right place, I would learn that the flowers were plastic and the fruit poisonous or cancerous.  I would then feel restless and compelled to take flight again, into the hot, stale air, searching - searching - for what?

I began to remember, more and more frequently, the encounter with him, and the look in his eyes, and the chain.  Occasionally I thought I could see him, way out on some horizon, still waiting and watching, with his chain.  Sometimes I would think about flying to him, confronting him again, and trying to understand him.  Perhaps I could get a new pair of wings.  Mine were worn, frayed and soiled beyond repair, and had the stains of the pollution of the lands into which I had flown.  But these thoughts came and went.  I wasn't even sure my wings could make it to him, he always seemed so far away now.

I eventually settled in a land.  I knew it wasn't the right place, but I had come to believe that there was no right place.  So I determined to make it right.  I chose a place that was as close as I could find to my ideal, and began to work to change what I perceived to be the problems.  It was a long, hard, fruitless battle, and it left me worn out, tired, hopeless, and feeling sorry for myself.  A group of townspeople, angered by my attempts to change the system, had carried me to the outskirts of town and dumped me at the edge of a slimy, oil-slicked pool.  There was nowhere that I cared to go, even if my oil-soaked wings would have carried me.

As I tried to gather my thoughts and set a new goal, some objective, even a short-term objective, a place to go, some direction, anything, as I was wiping the slime from my face and groping away from the pool - I saw him!  He was more radiant than I remembered.  Peace enveloped him and flowed around him like a living, glowing gaseous liquid.  He held the chain in his hand.  Suddenly I knew that it was what was lacking, what I had needed, and that now I was ready for it, and that he knew all of that too, and that was why he was here.  I realized that he had never been far away, that he had always been there, very close, waiting and watching.  I realized that what had drawn me to him was his love, and what had driven me away was his truth, and that now it was time for the chain.

I stepped forward, and with shaky courage looked again into his eyes.  The intensity was the same as before - even more.  I felt the necessary conflict of love and truth, and their oneness, in the highest form.  I felt something high and holy that I had left far behind, or never known existed - something that is the object of all growth, the only legitimate reason for striving, and the only solution to strife.  In his eyes I saw the beginning of the path that I knew would lead to the place that I had always searched for.  Yet I saw also that this path led through lands in which there were battles to fight, far tougher than any I had yet fought.  But they were meaningful battles!  And the beginning of the path was the chain.  The chain was before me, meaninglessness in all other directions.

As I took my end of the chain from his outstretched hand, I noticed that there was no key-slot on the handcuff.  The other end was already locked onto his wrist.  As I locked my end onto my wrist, I felt for the first time since I could remember that I had done something right, in the real sense of the word.  I felt strengthened inwardly.  And I was delighted to see that I had a brand new pair of wings!

I've been flying with him now for some time.  The chain was quite cumbersome at first, and I kept flying off in the wrong direction, only to be snatched back by it, like a young dog his first time on a leash.  But he has led me into some beautiful places that I could have never found on my own.  And as we travel together, his way becomes my way, and I often forget about the chain, except occasionally when I see a place that looks so good as we travel by, and I think that I would like to stop in for a "break", or some "excitement"; it is the knowledge of the chain that keeps me from making those mistakes.  I am thankful that there is no way to remove the chain, for there have been times when I would have, when he leads me into battles or over cold mountain ranges, and it seems that we are never going to arrive.  But always we have arrived - in always more beautiful places.  And something I had never experienced – joy – began blossoming in my soul.

The chain has evolved into an invisible living cord connecting his heart with mine.  He flies into some places that I am not yet capable of going, and I am still unable to look into his eyes for more than a few moments.  But I have learned enough about him to know that he is the way, the truth, and the life, just like he said.  The chain, which I feared, has become my only freedom, giving meaning to the flight of my wings.  I don't know exactly where he is taking me, but I travel on joyfully with him, learning more and more about him, taking more and more of him into me.  I look forward to the time when my love and courage will be strong enough to face up to all the truth, so that I will be able to look into his eyes, fully and completely at one with him in his freedom.

                                                                                    Mark F. Graham

Surviving An Affair: Elizabeth Edwards

Elizabeth Edwards: How I Survived John's Affair

By Elizabeth Edwards

On May 3, former Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards acknowledged that a federal investigation had been opened into whether his campaign improperly gave money to a woman with whom Edwards had an extramarital affair. Edwards has denied any wrongdoing by his campaign. In an exclusive excerpt from her new book, Resilience, Edwards' wife Elizabeth describes her reaction to learning of the affair in late 2006.
John was gone a lot in 2003 and 2004 running for office, and although I saw him all the time in 2005 when I was getting treatment for breast cancer, I knew I would see him less in 2006. I even participated in his being gone. I thought he should do a spring-break trip for college students in New Orleans to help with the Hurricane Katrina cleanup. His antipoverty work would take him across the country, and I knew that. When he told me that the political action committee was going to have behind-the-scenes videos made of some of these efforts, it didn't seem like that bad an idea, and it certainly didn't occur to me to ask about who was making them. It didn't occur to me that at a fancy hotel in New York, where he sat with a potential donor to his antipoverty work, he would be targeted by a woman who would confirm that the man at the table was John Edwards and then would wait for him outside the hotel hours later when he returned from a dinner, wait with the come-on line "You are so hot" and an idea that she should travel with him and make videos. And if you had asked me to wager that house we were building on whether my husband of then 28 years would have responded to a come-on line like that, I would have said no. 
John told me of his indiscretion on Dec. 30, 2006, after returning from a tour to announce that he was running for President. Before the announcement tour he had asked my brother to come with him to film it, since Jay taught film at the graduate film school at NYU, but when Jay found out another videographer was coming whether he came or not, Jay said no. Now the announcement tour was over and we were sitting in our family room, John telling us about the response in the various cities. John pulled Jay aside and asked him again to film the campaign. The female videographer who had been on the announcement tour was not going to travel with him again. John did not tell him why. The next morning he told me why, or told me a version of why. He had made a terrible decision and had been with the woman. After I cried and screamed, I went to the bathroom and threw up. 
And the next day John and I spoke. He wasn't coy, but it turned out he wasn't forthright either. A single night and since then remorse, was what he said. There were other opportunities, he admitted, but on only one night had he violated his vows to me. So much has happened that it is sometimes hard for me to gather my feelings from that moment. I felt that the ground underneath me had been pulled away. I wanted him to drop out of the race, protect our family from this woman, from his act. It would only raise questions, he said, he had just gotten in the race; the most pointed questions would come if he dropped out days after he had gotten in the race. And I knew that was right, but I was afraid of her. And now he knows I was right to be afraid, that once he had made this dreadful mistake, he should not have run. But just then he was doing, I believe, what I was trying to do: hold on to our lives despite this awful error in judgment.

Like most wives — or husbands — in my position, I wanted to believe his involvement with this woman had been as little as possible. A single night, another opportunity, but that was it and he had wanted away from her.... It turned out that a single time was not all it was. More than a year later, I learned that he had allowed [the woman] into our lives and had not, even when he knew better, made her leave us alone. I tried to get him to explain, but he did not know himself why he had allowed it to happen. In months of talking with him, I have come to understand his liaison with this woman, if I have, not as a substitute for me. Those with any fame or notoriety or power attract people for good reasons and bad. Some want to contribute and some want to take something away for themselves. They flatter and entreat, and it is engaging, even addictive. They look at our lives, which from the outside in particular are pictures of joy and plenty, and they want it for themselves.

Just as I don't want cancer to take over my life, I don't want this indiscretion, however long in duration, to take over my life either. But I need to deal with both; I need to find peace with both. It is hard for John, I can see, because it is something about which he is ashamed. But his willingness to open up is a statement that he trusts me, too. For quite a long time, I used whatever he admitted in the next argument and he was hesitant to say anything. That is, gratefully, behind us. There is still a great deal of sorting through to do — the lies went on for some time. And we both understand that there are no guarantees, but the road ahead looks clear enough, although from here it looks long.

Spiritual Growth

To those who seek God half-heartedly or not at all, He appears to be unjust, unfair, cruel, or arbitrary.  To those who seek Him with a whole devoted heart, He reveals Himself to be just, fair righteous, loving, patient, and merciful.  It is impossible to approach the knowledge of God, as He is, without some degree of faith.  And faith combined with a growing knowledge leads to utter devotion, which in turn leads to increased knowledge, which makes devotion desirable.

To make one's growth contingent upon someone else's growth, for any reason, is an all-too-common act of self-defeat which is, at root, evil in the sense that it is a great delusion.  We must never place another person in the position of preventing or blocking our growth toward and into God.  We must wake up to our own power and responsibility to grow, which can not be retarded by others except to the degree that we are deluded into believing that it can be.  We must detach from growth-encumbering attachments to others; and this must be carefully understood as not detaching from love (care, concern, willingness to sacrifice, etc.) for them.  We must not, in our love for others, be attached to a need for them to grow; or a need for them to love us.

Our technology has literally sky-rocketed to the moon; and figuratively, beyond.  If we will now be still, and know that He is God, our technology, guided by His wisdom, may be harnessed to serve our world for the enhancement of life.

Inch by inch, day by day, as water on the land, unseen forces are shaping our personality.  It is foolish not to make this a conscious process.  The unseen forces, and their long-term effects upon the personality, can be discerned through the Holy Spirit.  If we do not make this a conscious process, then we do not know who we will be five years from now.  And, perhaps more frightening, if our spouse does not, we do not know who he or she will be.  In this light we see that those who are not living a devoted life have a greater "faith" (if we may call it that) than those who are seeking God and His Way, for they are trusting those unseen and unknown forces that are shaping their personalities each day, to shape them into something good, pleasant, or worthy.

Proclamation of Personal Freedom

My life is a gift, given to me.

What I do with my life is 100% my responsibility; therefore it is 100% within the realm of my control.

I do not control you, and you do not control me.

I have influence with you, and you have influence with me.

I determine how much and what kind of influence you have with me.

I refuse to be influenced in ways that ravage my heart or diminish my life.

I choose to love.

My love is free.  It is not determined or controlled by any human other than myself.  You cannot make me love you, and you cannot make me not love you.

My inner being is determined by God and God alone.  This is my choice.

I am not determined, defined or controlled by any human.  That would be idolatry.

Under God, I and I alone am the master of my soul.

I freely choose to give, serve and love.  No one, under God forces me to do these things; and no one, under God, other than myself, determines how I do these.

I am not a victim.  In Christ, I am more than a conqueror over all the dark forces of this world.

I do not allow myself to be influenced by manipulative criticism or contempt, and I refuse to be manipulative or contemptuous.

I know that I am not perfect; nor am I totally enlightened.  But I am loved and forgiven by God; and He, above all, knows what He is doing.  I do not presume upon God’s grace, nor do I deserve it; but I receive it with immense gratitude, because He has made it clear that He desires me to.  I will live in the Light of His love and forgiveness.  I will not allow my mistakes to be used against me, and I will not live under the cloud of my past mistakes.  I will learn from them, and move on.  If you hold on to my past mistakes, I will leave you behind, with them, because I am following Christ, Who forgives and does not condemn or criticize.

My relationships with all people are determined by my relationship with God, Who is free, and Who calls me into His freedom.  I will never allow a human relationship to become more important to me than my relationship with God.  And I will never allow a human to be a more powerful determiner of my inner being than God.

In Christ, I am safe for all people.

And, in Christ, I am safe from all that is unholy in others and myself.

As the Light of His goodness, truth, freedom and love shines brighter and brighter within me, there is less and less opportunity for me to be used, controlled or hurt by the evil forces in the world.

I am thankful and free in Christ.

You are free to be whatever you choose.  But if you do not choose to take responsibility for the darkness that is in you, you become unsafe for me, and I will have to protect myself from the darkness in you.  If you fail to let God open your eyes, you will perceive my taking care of myself in this way, as not loving you.  But even if you take that understanding to the grave, I will always know that protecting myself from the darkness in you is God’s will for me.  And I will never hate you.  I will love you with God’s love.  But if you do not open your heart to God, in spirit and truth, that love will never satisfy you, because it is free – out of the realm of your control.  I am sorry for all who get lost in the darkness; but I will not hang around in the darkness trying to get them free.  In Christ’s love, freedom and peace and joy have the final word.

Mark F. Graham, 11/05

Anger Management

Because we love our people, we temper our anger--like steel, we temper it. We maintain a stern control of how we express our anger. We do not "lose it"; and we make no excuses for our inappropriately expressed anger. If we are unable to bridal our tongue and practice self-control in anger, we will be unsafe in any relationship, because all relationships have frustration, and frustration evolves into anger, and abusive anger will wear down and eventually destroy the love of those who are trying to love us. Mark Graham

Know this, my beloved brethren: Let every man be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger...
James 1:19

"But I say to you that hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 
bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you."  Jesus, Luke 6:27-28 

...Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, even as God also in Christ  forgives you. Eph 4:32

Principles of Anger Management
Raymond Novaco, Ph.D.
Anger is a feeling and aggression is a behavior. They are not the
same, and feeling angry does not necessarily translate into aggressive behavior.
Maintaining a task oriented posture towards a potential provocation assists in increased self control and control of the situation. It also results in behavior and attitudes that may deescalate the potential conflict.
Awareness of our own unique arousal pattern will increase the probability of anger moderation and regulation and in avoiding the effects of unmodulated anger.
Learn to use your own arousal cues as a signal to talk to yourself through a difficult situation. Know when you are becoming aroused, and start deescalating self-talk. Develop a feeling of confidence that you can  control your anger, even if you cannot control the situation..Be aware of your tension and agitation in order to manage your anger.
Prepare for potential difficulties by breaking the conflict into steps. Use positive self- talk to remain in a task oriented position and to avoid impulsive and antagonistic behaviors.
As you practice and use these behaviors to manage and cope with anger, self esteem increases and the likelihood of using these techniques increases. They start becoming normal over time.

ANGER AND CONFLICT:  wisdom from proverbs

10: ¹² Hatred stirs up conflicts,
    but love covers all offenses.

     ¹⁹ When there are many words, sin is unavoidable,
    but the one who controls his lips is wise.

11: ¹⁷ A kind man benefits himself,
    but a cruel man brings disaster on himself.

12: ¹⁶ A fool's displeasure is known at once,
    but whoever ignores an insult is sensible.

     ¹⁸ There is one who speaks rashly,
    like a piercing sword;
    but the tongue of the wise [brings] healing.

    ²⁰ Deceit is in the hearts of those who plot evil,
    but those who promote peace have joy.

13: ² From the words of his mouth,
    a man will enjoy good things,
    but treacherous people have an appetite for violence.

    ¹⁰ Arrogance leads to nothing but strife,
    but wisdom is gained by those who take advice.

14: ¹⁶ A wise man is cautious and turns from evil,
    but a fool is easily angered and is careless.

    ¹⁷ A quick-tempered man acts foolishly,
    and a man who schemes is hated.

15: ¹ A gentle answer turns away anger,
    but a harsh word stirs up wrath.

    ¹⁶ Better a little with the fear of the LORD
    than great treasure with turmoil.
    ¹⁷ Better a meal of vegetables where there is love
    than a fattened calf  with hatred.
    ¹⁸ A hot-tempered man stirs up conflict,
    but a man slow to anger  calms strife.
    ³¹ An ear that listens to life-giving rebukes ^(AI)
    will be at home among the wise.
16: ¹⁸ Pride comes before destruction,
    and an arrogant spirit before a fall.
    ²⁷ A worthless man digs up evil,
    and his speech is like a scorching fire.
    ²⁸ A contrary man spreads conflict,
    and a gossip separates friends.
    ³² Patience is better than power,
    and controlling one's temper, [exemplifies greater strength] than capturing a city.
17: ¹ Better a dry crust with peace
    than a house full of feasting with strife.
    ¹⁴ To start a conflict is to release a flood;
    stop the dispute before it breaks out.
    ¹⁹ One who loves to offend loves strife;
    one who builds a high threshold invites injury.
    ²⁷ The intelligent person restrains his words,
    and one who keeps a cool head
    is a man of understanding.
18: ⁶ A fool's lips lead to strife,
    and his mouth provokes a beating.
    ⁷ A fool's mouth is his devastation,
    and his lips are a trap for his life.
    ⁸ A gossip's words are like choice food
    that goes down to one's innermost being.
    ¹³ The one who gives an answer before he listens—
    this is foolishness and disgrace for him.
    ¹⁷ The first to state his case seems right
    until another comes and cross-examines him.
    ¹⁹ An offended brother is [harder to reach]
    than a fortified city,
    and quarrels are like the bars of a fortress.
    ²¹ Life and death are in the power of the tongue,
    and those who love it will eat its fruit.
19: ³ A man's own foolishness leads him astray,
    yet his heart rages against the LORD.
    ¹⁹ A person with great anger bears the penalty;
    if you rescue him, you'll have to do it again.
20: ³ It is honorable for a man to resolve a dispute,
    but any fool can get himself into a quarrel.
    ²⁰ Whoever curses his father or mother —
    his lamp will go out in deep darkness.
    ²² Don't say, "I will avenge this evil!"
    Wait on the LORD,  and He will rescue you.
21: ⁷ The violence of the wicked sweeps them away
    because they refuse to act justly.
    ⁸ A guilty man's conduct is crooked,
    but the behavior of the innocent is upright.
    ¹⁹ Better to live in a wilderness
    than with a nagging and hot-tempered wife.
    ²³ The one who guards his mouth and tongue
    keeps himself out of trouble.
22: ²⁴ Don't make friends with an angry man,
    and don't be a companion of a hot-tempered man,
    ²⁵ or you will learn his ways
    and entangle yourself in a snare.
24: ²⁹ Don't say, "I'll do to him what he did to me;
    I'll repay the man for what he has done."
25: ²⁸ A man who does not control his temper
    is like a city whose wall is broken down.
26:¹⁸ Like a madman who throws flaming darts and deadly arrows,
    ¹⁹ so is the man who provokes his neighbor
    and says, "I was only joking!"
    ²¹ As charcoal for embers and wood for fire,
    so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife.
    ²⁴ A hateful person disguises himself with his speech
    and harbors deceit within.
    ²⁵ When he speaks graciously, don't believe him,
    for there are seven abominations in his heart.
    ²⁶ Though his hatred is concealed by deception,
    his evil will be revealed in the assembly.
27: ⁴ Fury is cruel, and anger is a flood,
    but who can withstand jealousy?
28: ¹⁴ Happy is the one who is always reverent,
    but one who hardens his heart falls into trouble.
29: ¹ One who becomes stiff-necked,
    after many reprimands
    will be broken suddenly—
    and without a remedy.
    ⁸ Mockers inflame a city,
    but the wise turn away anger.
    ⁹ If a wise man goes to court with a fool,
    there will be ranting and raving but no resolution.
    ¹¹ A fool gives full vent to his anger,
    but a wise man holds it in check
    ²⁰ Do you see a man who speaks too soon?
    There is more hope for a fool than for him.
    ²² An angry man stirs up conflict,
    and a hot-tempered man  increases rebellion.
30: ³³ For the churning of milk produces butter,
    and twisting a nose draws blood,
    and stirring up anger produces strife
Eccl. 7:10:  Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit,
 for anger resides in the lap of fools.

• The problem is not that you are wrong
• The problem is not that you were angry
• The problem is that you were out of control

Civility: The Bottom Floor

Jesus teaches us to love our enemies, bless those who curse us, do good to those who hate us, and pray for those who despitefully use and persecute us. [Mt. 5:44]  God, through Paul, commands us not to return evil for evil, but to overcome evil with good. [Rm. 12:21] In Ephesians we are commanded to be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving each other as God, because of Christ, has forgiven us [Eph. 4:32].  Self-control is cited as one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit [Gal. 5:23].  The Bible is full of warnings about uncontrolled anger [Prov 15:1, 18; 16:32; 19:11; Ecc. 7:9; Amo 1:11; Eph 4:31; Col 3:8].

Despite all this, in the counseling room, I have repeatedly seen the disheartening results of anger run amuck.  Anger is one of the most difficult and potentially destructive emotions experienced by humans.  We speak of “losing it”, “going off on someone”, “exploding”, “going ballistic”, etc.  We see physical and verbal abuse; and the equally devastating effects of “stonewalling” or withholding love to passive-aggressively punish a loved one. Whenever we express anger in these ways, we set ourselves back in the forward movement of our growth and in the growth of our relationships. I have never, in 30 years of counseling and 43 years of marriage, seen inappropriately expressed anger have a net good effect. It always, without fail, has a negative effect.  If you think of building a good life [good relationships, security, peace, trust, harmony, contentment, joy, etc.] as a process like building a beautiful house in which to live; blowing off anger in abusive ways is like tearing down a wall or a staircase of the house. We have to rebuild it! If we “lose it” again, we tear down more of what we have been working to build. If we repeat this cycle enough times, we can destroy the hope of ever building the house. Our loved ones will know that, no matter how sorry we are for the damage done in our anger, no matter how apologetic we are, it’s going to happen again. And even if they forgive us, they do not trust us. We have not given them a reason to. There is no substitute for self-control. There will never be enough apologies to make up for it. We cannot be good enough in other areas of our life to make up for the lack of self-control in anger. There will never be a justification for “losing it.” Jesus, as recorded in Matthew 5:44, makes it very clear that He does not want our behaviors to be determined by the bad behaviors of others. He does not want us to react emotionally; He wants us to respond spiritually. Until we master our anger, we are not safe for our loved ones; and we should not expose them to the danger of our lack of control. It is not fair to pressure a loved one to stay with us in a relationship if we are not practicing self-control. It is like pressuring them to stay on a battlefield with land mines. They never know when they will step on one. This is incredibly stressful for them!  Love constrains us to master our anger so that nothing—absolutely nothing—can trigger an out-of-control episode. A famous statement in the world of therapy is, “If someone pushes your buttons, get rid of the buttons.” 

A wonderful and powerful commitment to make is: No matter how angry I get, I will never go below civility. Whatever needs to be accomplished in any situation can be accomplished within the boundaries of civility. If something cannot be accomplished within the bounds of civility, it cannot be healthily accomplished, and my efforts to make something happen using abusive anger will be counter-productive.  The good that comes will be off-set by the negative effects of my abusive anger.

Civility and self-control are manifestations of strength. Abusive anger is a weakness.

Civility and self-control manifest as the ability to maintain a sense of fairness and good will toward someone who is behaving badly and perhaps not currently demonstrating those traits. It is a commitment to respond vs. react. It involves integrity matched with humility. It is not fawning or servile. It is willing to listen for and respond to truth even when the speaker is uncivil.  It encourages a civil response from others.  It speaks the truth in love, even if that truth is not well received. It does not back down from conflict, but it does not seek to incite conflict; contrarily, it seeks civil discourse regarding opposing viewpoints. It is willing to disagree agreeably, and part as friends with anyone who is also practicing these principles; and maintain a compassionate stance toward one who is not yet mature enough to practice these principles. It does not abuse, and it does not tolerate abuse.

 

Here are some definitions of civility to meditate on:

Civility is described in the following way by the National Civility Center:

 "Civility is a variation of the ‘Golden Rule’. It is being kind, courteous, polite, and avoiding overt rudeness. In community improvement it relates to higher-minded and self-sacrificing behavior. Civility is the "how" when it comes to building relationships."

 -Jay Newman & Kent Roberts

 National Civility Center

“Civility is claiming and caring for one’s identity, needs and beliefs without degrading someone else’s in the process. Civility is about more than just politeness, although politeness is a necessary first step. It is about disagreeing without disrespect, seeking common ground as a starting point for dialogue about differences, listening past one’s preconceptions, and teaching others to do the same. Civility is the hard work of staying present even with those with whom we have deep-rooted and fierce disagreements” – Tomas Spath and Cassandra Dahnke, Founders of the Institute for Civility in Government

"Civility means a great deal more than just being nice to one another. It is complex and encompasses learning how to connect successfully and live well with others, developing thoughtfulness, and fostering effective self-expression and communication. Civility includes courtesy, politeness, mutual respect, fairness, good manners, as well as a matter of good health. Taking an active interest in the well-being of our community and concern for the health of our society is also involved in civility." --P. M. Forni,

Lord, please empower us to be self-controlled and civil no matter how angry. May You Spirit be the controlling factor of our behaviors especially when we are enraged.

Feeling Safe

People feel safe around those they respect and trust. It is not safe to be around somebody who breaks the rules of respect and takes his or her emotions out on others.

• Anger that is aggressive, passive, depressive, or manipulative is likely to be destructive and hurtful
• Anger problems usually keep getting worse until they are addressed, responsibility is taken, and the behavior is changed

ANGER

And he said to them, "Is it lawful on the sabbath to do good or to do harm, to save life or to kill?" But they were silent. And he looked around at them with anger, grieved at their hardness of heart, and said to the man, "Stretch out your hand." He stretched it out, and his hand was restored. Mar 3:4-5  

In the temple he found those who were selling oxen and sheep and pigeons, and the money-changers at their business.  And making a whip of cords, he drove them all, with the sheep and oxen, out of the temple; and he poured out the coins of the money-changers and overturned their tables.  And he told those who sold the pigeons, "Take these things away; you shall not make my Father's house a house of trade." Jhn 2:14-16  

Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger… Eph 4:26  

There is a tremendous amount of unnecessary human suffering because of undisciplined anger. One of the highest marks of Christian maturity is the ability to exercise self-control when angry. We must be very careful to understand what God is saying to us about anger. He says that anger, per se, is not sinful. Jesus was angry at times in His earthly ministry. He was angry because of the hypocrisy of the Pharisees, who refused to come out into the light of truth about their hidden agendas. He was angry because of the hardness of their hearts. He was angry because they had allowed religious rules to take precedence over compassion for human suffering; and moreover, they refused to acknowledge it. They refused to look honestly at themselves. Denial angers Jesus.

  Jesus was also very angry because of greed in the religious context. The “money-changers” were profiting from worshipers coming into the temple to make their sacrifices. Any time people in religious roles or functions allow greed to take precedence over the God-human connection, Jesus is angry; and those who practice in this way place themselves in jeopardy. Greed in the religious context turns many people away from the Faith—people who might otherwise find freedom, peace and joy in Christ. This is a very serious offense that engenders the righteous wrath of God and all His people.
  Jesus’ anger in both these instances was focused on dynamics that prevented people from discovering the Truth of the Kingdom. Jesus was not angry because of something someone had done to hurt Him. His anger was due to hypocrisy, denial, and the fact that the people that God loved were being blocked or misled regarding their spiritual growth. Most human anger, by contrast, has to do with a reaction to ego-injury. Like two-year-olds, we tend to strike back in anger at any one who keeps us from getting what we want, or who mistreats us in any way. We tend to take offenses personally; something Jesus did not do.

God allows us to be angry. There are times when it is the most appropriate emotion. But He does not allow us to sin in our anger, as we are sorely tempted to do. And He requires us to get through or beyond it quickly [over night]. He does not want us to nurse it or ruminate on it, which will cause us to languish in it. He does not allow us to abuse anyone in any way. He does not allow us to be critical or hard-hearted. He wants us to speak the truth in love, get it out of our craw, forgive, and get on with the abundant, joyful, peaceful life that Christ died for us to have. He expects us to follow Christ’s example by not taking offences personally; by loving our enemies; and by channeling our anger into behaviors that benefit the human family. This is a high calling; but we have His Spirit in us to make it possible.

Lord, thank you for teaching us about the difficult emotion of anger. Please help us to be angry without sinning, and to not let it smolder within us. Give us the gift of self-control, especially in our anger.

I've learned it is entirely possible to be offended and not to take offense, to love in places and times where there is no other human love visible.

I've learned that our individual responsibility in Christ with anger is not to be a host, not to pass it on.
Consider in a forest fire that the heat from the fire first gets communicated to the unburned trees and then the flames jump to join that heat as the fire spreads. [My friend, Jim]

Angry Words

Angry words! O let them never,
From the tongue unbridled slip,
May the heart's best impulse ever,
Check them ere they soil the lip.

Love one another thus saith the Savior,
Children hear this blest command,
Love each other, love each other,
'Tis the Father's blest command.

Love is much too pure and holy,
Friendship is too sacred far,
For a moment's reckless folly,
Thus to desolate and mar.

Angry words are lightly spoken,
Bitterest thoughts are rashly stirred,
Brightest links of life are broken,
By a single angry word.

                              unknown

Husband's Prayer

Oh Lord,

I thank You for my wife.

You have given her to me, and You give only Good gifts.

She is the perfect wife for me.

Her particular problems, or the problems that I think I see in her, are perfect opportunities for my growth in the particular areas in which I need to grow.

When I stumble over one of her problems, help me see that

I have really stumbled over my inner corresponding problem.

And when I trip over my problem, I have the opportunity to see it more clearly

(if I do not keep myself in the darkness, thinking that it is her problem.)

And if I see it more clearly, I may, by Your Grace,

Move beyond it - rise above it - be delivered from it!

This is very wonderful to me Lord.

I am thankful that You have made it this way.

Please help me to remember that neither my wife nor anyone else stands between You and me; and that my ultimate fulfillment is in You, O Lord, not in my wife.

She is a wonderful lagniappe, not the main thing.

Please prevent me from making an IDOL of her - something that she neither wants  nor needs.

Please, O Lord, help me to LOVE her, as Christ LOVED the church and gave His Life for it.

Empower me, through Your Holy Spirit, living in me, to RESPECT and HONOR her, protecting her, especially in the areas of her vulnerability.

I pray that I might build her up, in all ways that are pleasing in Your sight, rather than tear her down, as I have done in the past, for which I sincerely and earnestly ask Your forgiveness.

I pray that I might not give in to my own or her weaknesses;

That I might be strong, and that I might be a source of strength to her.

But please enable me to be gentle in my strength, as You are, Lord.

Deliver me from the deadly need to CONTROL, which is fear-based.

Please help me to practice the "BEAM AND SPECK"  principle. [MT. 7:3-5]

I pray for her growth in the Way of Christ, but please help me to remember that we are not responsible for each others' growth - only our own.

Please help me to always do all that I should to encourage her in the Way of Truth, for her sake, not mine;

But deliver me from the futility of pushing, forcing or coercing her.

Help us to be kind, especially in our anger.

Help us to be supportive of each other's ministries to others in the world.