LCA 2017 Handouts

BRINGING GOD IN

LCA Conference 2017, Session 18

Mark Graham, M.Div., Ed.D., LPC-S, Licensed, Ordained Minister of the Christian Gospel

Some questions for intake form:

1. Do you have a religious affiliation?

2. Is faith in God an important factor in your life?

3. Would you like to incorporate prayer and Scripture into our sessions?

Prayer: {example. To be read or spoken at beginning of session, with client's permission}

Holy Father/Lord Jesus/Heavenly Father:

Thank You for giving us life. We recognize that we did not create ourselves nor this beautiful earth that supplies all we need for biological existence. We are thankful for the gift of life. And thank You for the beauty that is all around us. Help us to see this beauty, and to recognize it as a gift of love from You. Thank you for the amazing gift of manhood and womanhood, children and family life. We need look no farther than that to know that You truly love us. Thank You for the gifts of music and humor. Thank You that we can laugh ...and cry. Thank You for the gift of feelings. Even though some of them are

difficult and painful, we know that emotions are a gift also. Please help us to be mindful of our eternal souls—our heart-of-hearts—and to cultivate Love and good will, as You have commanded us, so that we can avail ourselves of the gifts you have promised us: abundant life, peace and joy. Please help us measure our spiritual growth by how well we are loving others, and how much we are growing in the inner experience of peace, joy and abundant life. We accept that this life will not be easy. You told us we would have tribulation in this world. We know that to be true. But You also commanded us to, nevertheless, be of good cheer for You have overcome the world. And You are in us and we are in You, therefore we also overcome the trials and tribulations of life. Help us therefore to maintain a vibrant hope. We renew our commitment to love the people in our sphere of influence. Whatever our suffering, may we rest assured that we can fulfill Your purposes in our lives. We pray Your blessings upon this session. Please focus us on those things that will be most helpful for our spiritual growth in all areas that are most pleasing to You. Help us to be mindful of Your love for us and for all in our sphere of influence. May our lives always be guided by your Love, Truth and Goodness.

In Christ's Holy name,

Amen

Example of Post-Session [closing] Prayer:

Lord we thank You for the opportunity to open our hearts deeply in this way, knowing that You are with us to help us deal with whatever has come forth in a healthy and healing manner. Whatever Truth has come forth in this session, may it be a seed planted in the fertile, receptive soil of our souls. May it take root and grow, bearing the fruit of Your Spirit within us: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-control. May we be more of everything You created us to become for having gathered ourselves here. May Your will be done in our hearts and minds and lives, and on earth, as it is in Heaven. And may Your Name be praised forever and ever.

Amen

An alternative prayer to be prayed slowly; meditatively:

Jesus promised to be with “two or more who are gathered in my name.” {Matthew 18:20}

Lord, we are gathered in your name.

Thank you for your presence with us.

We ask you to give each of us here a deep inner sense of your presence—your Spirit—your profound love for us and for everyone in our sphere of influence.

You have encouraged us to ask, in your name, for what we need. {John 14:13}

We ask for wisdom, and that we might be guided by your Love and Truth.

Help us to face our fears.

Help us see ourselves as we truly are, especially our sinful natures that are weak and blind.

Help us to remember that you love us despite our faults, and are ready to help us overcome.
Help us not to condemn ourselves as we look honestly into our souls.

Thank you for forgiveness and grace!

In obedience to you we also forgive all who have hurt us in any way.

Keep us in your perfect peace. Amen

SCRIPTURE REFERENCES

Regarding the primary goal of the Christian life:

Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. This I command you: that you love one another; as I have loved you, love one another. [Jesus] John 15:12-14

Love your enemies. Bless those who curse you. Do good to those who hate you; and pray for those who despitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be the children of your Father in heaven. [Jesus] Matthew 5:44-45.

Jesus said to him, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and most important command.

The second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.

All the Law and the Prophets depend on these two commands.” Matthew 22:37-40

Beloved let us love one another, for love is of God and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God for God is love. 1John 4:7-8

St. Augustine: "Since love grows within you, so beauty grows. For love is the beauty of the soul."

de Chardin: “Someday, after mastering the wind, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love; and then, for a second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.”

Some powerful verses that are liberating and healing:

In the world you will have tribulation; nevertheless be of good cheer. I have overcome the world.

{John 16:33} Breaks down a mindset of entitlement—to life being easier. Moves us toward acceptance of the innate difficulty of life; and, paradoxically, diminishes suffering—the suffering of non-acceptance. Cheerfulness is a choice.

I am in you, you in me, and I in the Father. {John 14:20} We also can overcome the world! He is in us. This is profound for those who can receive it.

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. {Romans 8:1} God does not condemn those who have recognized in Christ's Love the solution to their own and the world's problems, and are peacefully motivated to walk in the Light of that Truth. We must not condemn ourselves or others, nor receive it from others. To condemn is to judge as damnable; render a guilty verdict.

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. {Proverbs 4:23}

We can guard our hearts from toxic relational energy: blame, verbal abuse, criticism, etc.

If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. {1John 1:8-9} Breaks down denial. Heals guilt and shame. Emphasize “cleanse”.

Who perceives his unintentional sins? Cleanse me from my hidden faults. {Psalms 19:12} The writer shows great wisdom in acknowledging character defects that have not come into consciousness. C.G. Jung — 'Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.'

Love your enemies, bless those who curse you; do good to those who hate you and pray for those who despitefully use you, that you may be the children of your Father in heaven. {Matthew 5:44}

This is helpful for Christian couples who have “fallen out of love” or who don't feel love toward each other. De-emphasizes the romantic concept of love. Also for anyone trapped in hatred of any person. We can hate sin; but not a person. Love is a choice. Jesus, in his love for us, gives us no excuse not to love.

We know that in everything God works for good with those who love him, who are called according to his purpose. {Romans 8:28}

Sometimes we can see the good that comes from our suffering; sometimes not. Faith reminds us that we will, at some point, see the good in all of it.

Can you find some redeeming value in your tribulations/sufferings? Then there is something to be thankful for---which justifies the following verse:

Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. {1 Thessalonians 5:18} “If we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little. And if we didn't learn anything, at least we didn't get sick. And if we got sick, at least we didn't die.” There is always something to be thankful for, and there is always something to complain about. The choice is ours.

Why is it so easy for you to see the speck in your brother's [spouse's] eye, but so difficult to see the beam in your own eye. Don't be a hypocrite. Get the beam out of your own eye first, then you can see more clearly how to help your loved one get the speck out of there's. {Matthew 7:3-5}

Addresses the blame and defense dynamic: “It's not me; it's you.” Helps couples learn to lead with confession rather than criticism or blame.

Brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. {Philippians 4:8} So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. [2Cor.4:18].

Here is a major component of CBT—the cognitive component—that calls us into mindfulness. What composes our thought life? Peace is promised [Phil 4:9] if we shift our thinking toward lovely, admirable, etc. things and toward the unseen, vs. seen aspects of life. The qualities of suffering [fear, dread, anger, despair, hopelessness] are unseen, as are the qualities of healthy personality [love, joy, peace, freedom].

Do not return evil for evil, nor be overcome by evil; but rather overcome evil with good.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Give careful thought to do what is honorable in everyone’s eyes. Rom 12:17,21 Helpful for any believer caught in a desire for vengeance or wanting to hurt someone who has hurt him/her. Couples frequently get caught in this cycle of returning hurt for hurt. This, along with the command to “love your enemies” [Mt. 5:44] frees us from being controlled by the character defects of our loved ones [or "enemies"]. Sometimes this returning evil for evil is being lived out passive-aggressively.

Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. {Phlp 4:6-7} There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment. So the one who fears is not complete in love. {1John 4:18}

If we pray about the things we would otherwise worry about, and practice a chosen gratitude, peace will supplant anxiety/worry over time. I tell my clients to upgrade worry to healthy “concern.” Never say “I'm worried about….” but rather “I'm concerned about...” Love and gratitude are the enemies of fear and anxiety.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers of this darkness, against evil, spiritual forces in the heavens. {Eph 6:12}

Our struggle is not against our wife, husband, boss, co-workers, parents, siblings, etc. The struggle is with whatever any of these people can evoke within us. This transforms interpersonal conflict into spiritual warfare—and potentially growth. Remember, Jesus commands us to love our enemies.

Regarding depression:

Then He [Jesus] said to them, “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch with Me.” {Mat 26:38} Jesus experienced deep sorrow—-but continued to love.

We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair;

persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed— {2Co 4:9} There is a foundation underneath all sorrow and hardship below which we cannot fall. “The house stands.” {Mt7:25} We can actually rest in our depression

The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.

He has sent me to proclaim release to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to set free the oppressed… {Luk 4:18} Jesus promises freedom from oppression. What is oppressing your clients? What is oppressing you?

“Take up my yoke and learn from me, because I am lowly and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Mat 11:29-30 Regarding self-care: The way that Jesus wants us to love each other will never excessively drain or deplete us. His yoke is easy, His burden light.

I try to get my clients to measure their growth by how well they are loving their people and by how much more peace, joy, and abundance of life they are experiencing. To make these traits a conscious part of our growth is very powerful.

Regarding Forgiveness: Mt 18: 23-35

“Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there will ever be to know and understand.” Albert Einstein

Imagine that you thoroughly believed in the one and only God of this universe:

A conscious being Who IS LOVE! Light; Freedom; Peace; Joy; ultimate Truth; Eternal; Infinitely Wise and Powerful.

The God of Jesus Christ. A Loving Parent Who commands us to love each other but Who chooses not to control us, but rather gives us freedom, even to do evil.

Who gives us His Holy Spirit as an internal Guide and empowerment to live a truly successful life regardless of circumstances, history, or upbringing.

Who promises to be with us always, even to the end of the world.

Who promises to bring us to a place of spiritual completion—the fulfillment of our heart's desires.

Who tells us plainly that we will have tribulation, but that we can overcome it all by abiding in His Spirit.

Who is working ALL things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. Rom 8:28

Who loves others as much as He loves you; and holds you accountable for how you treat them.

Who can and will spiritually protect you from being defeated by evil.

Who promises peace, joy, abundant and eternal life!

Who offers rest for the beleaguered soul.

Imagine that you had come to know, through and beyond doubt, that this is Truth. And that this Truth had dawned in you like a sunrise, and was now rising higher, like the sun going toward the full light of day.

Feel the Power of that Truth to set you free. The God of the entire universe is the Creator and origin of all Love: mother love, father love, brother and sister love, man-woman love…

That the God of the universe actually is this love—magnified by the power that could create a billion galaxies!

Imagine that you regularly called yourself into a mindfulness of this Reality; lived in the Light of it; peacefully bound yourself to it through devotional living, loving service, meditation and prayer. Imagine that you did all this with a growing peace and confidence born out of honestly and carefully facing doubts and fears; that you had looked deeply into the alternatives of Faith and found them all lacking and untenable. And that now, flowers, birds and children could call you into a place of delight, gratitude and deeper faith.

Imagine that when disaster blindsided you through a death or a diagnosis, you accepted it peacefully as one of the tribulations that your Lord had prepared you for; and you began immediately, without denial or minimization, finding blessings amid the tribulation.

Imagine that you knew that your reason for being here was to learn to love, and to practice and perfect this love; and that your God and Creator knew this about your heart, and was well-pleased with you, even though your practice was weak and very imperfect. [This is Grace!]

Imagine that what those who've had near death experiences are telling us is true: That there is indescribable love, peace and completion on the other side of death; to such an extent that a loving mother does not have a desire to return to her children in this earth-life.

Imagine that you are free – with an infinite and growing freedom that is not based on politics or nationality or circumstances; a freedom that can not be taken away from you because it transcends earthly realities.

Imagine that the God of All has revealed Himself as our Friend!