Your Creative Powers

Your Creative Powers

 

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Phil 4:8

For as he thinketh within himself, so is he… Pro 23:7a

But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; …  [Jesus, Mat 15:18a]

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.  Psa 19:14

 

God created us in His image. A part of what that means is that we, as He, have creative abilities. This is most amazing; and a wonderful gift and clear evidence of God’s love for us. Think for a moment of what humans have created. We are, in fact, so creative that we must be careful to remember that we did not create ourselves; and that everything we create is derived from substances that we did not create. Being created in the image of God makes us prone to the temptation to become prideful and arrogant self-idolaters.

Though we did not create our brains or bodies, we have been given tremendous power to create the quality of our lives through the proper use of our God-given brains—our thought life or minds. [Our scientists, by the way, have not the ghost of an idea how the brain, a physical organ, can create consciousness.]  But we know that we can use our consciousness to create heaven or hell for ourselves. The Bible speaks clearly about this phenomenon [see above].  If you try to boil down to the bare essence what it means to be human, you might say that we are a stream of consciousness. When the consciousness is gone, we “pull the plug”, i.e., we let the body die.  It’s an arguable premise that I am what I am thinking at any given moment. Certainly, the quality of my life is determined by my mindfulness. Imagine two men walking silently together. One is worrying about some physical sensations he experienced yesterday; thinking about the trials of growing older; wondering if he has enough money in his retirement account; dreading going back to work on Monday, etc.  The other is noticing the deep blue of the sky contrasting with the white billowing clouds; listening to birds sing; noticing butterflies and dragonflies; and silently thanking God in his heart for the beauty of the earth and goodness of life. He starts to worry about something, but then remembers that God has commanded him not to, and that Jesus has promised to be with him always, through life and through death. And his heart smiles. Both of these men are basically in the same position in life regarding age,  health, wealth, social standing, etc.  They are experiencing the same external circumstances. But one is experiencing the “Abundant Life” promised by Christ; the other is clearly not. The only difference is what is in the mind. And here is the best part:  We have some control over what is in our mind!  God has given us the wonderful opportunity to increase the quality of our own lives by cultivating Biblical [truthful] mindfulness.  The Truth that is presented to us in the Bible is, well, too good to be true. Yet it is true. We live in the universal domain of a God Who “is Love” [1Jn 4:8].  Everything He has done and will ever do is motivated by the greatest Love that we can imagine. He is working all things together for good for those who love Him and participate in His wonderful purposes for the human family. Jesus has revealed Him as a loving, all-powerful Dad, Who forgives our sin [pays the price for it] wants us to be free and joyful, and will never leave or forsake us. He actually commands us to love each other and not to worry or be afraid about anything.  If we cultivate our ability to “think about these things”, we will be happier and more productive for the good of the human family. We will be able to face all life’s tribulations and death itself with faith and peace; and know, on our death bed, that our lives have well spent.

Bible Teachers

I’ve been thinking about the importance of Bible teachers or Sunday School teachers. What an amazingly important function they serve!  Think of how important it is for preschoolers, elementary age children, pre-teens, teens, young adults, couples, singles and seniors to properly discern what God has revealed to His children through His Word.  We know that Christ is the hope of the world, and Bible teachers are on the front lines in the warfare against spiritual darkness and confusion about the Bible.  We know that a spiritual vacuum is fertile ground for tyranny and the decline of society. We know that Satan perpetually tries to distort the Truth.  In my experience in the church, we have placed a great deal of emphasis on the selection of deacons, but not that much for Bible teachers.  Yet Bible teachers are impacting many lives in the church on a weekly basis. I think we need to pray for effective, Christ-centered, Holy Spirit- led Bible teachers.  And I think that church leaders should be careful in selecting and mentoring them.

What should be the basic qualifications for Bible teachers?

Obviously they should be “born again” Christians. They should have a “testimony”—the story of how they came to receive Christ as the Messiah.

They should be serious Bible students. They should be delving deeply into God’s Word, and not just to prepare for the upcoming lesson.

They should have a clear and unshakable grasp of the basics of the Christian faith: The Triune Singular God, man’s need for redemption, the reality of Satan and the sinful nature, Jesus as the Messiah and Savior of the world; His virgin birth, His atoning sacrifice at Calvary, the Resurrection, God’s Love for the human family and His desire that none should perish; Christ’s ordination of all believer’s to love people with His love and invite them into the Kingdom  [i.e., evangelize] etc.

       They should not be new Christians. They should have had some time to mature in the Word.

They should have a palpable love for God and for people.

They should be good communicators. They should be able to connect with the people they are teaching at their level, and without criticism or condemnation, facilitate growth in Christ.

Their zeal should not outpace their maturity.

They should be accountable to a mature Christian [pastor, Sunday School superintendent, etc.] who loves them and wants to see them grow in Christ.

They should bear the fruit of a mature Christian and be aware of the example they set in the community.

They should be motivated by the Love of God for people, and not for the prestige of the position.

They should have a servant’s heart.

They should be aware of their own imperfections and willing to confess their own failures and short-comings when it is appropriate to do so. In other words, they should not practice hypocrisy.

They should possess humility and be authentic and sincere Christ-followers.

       They should have a “we are all fellow strugglers” rather than a “holier than thou” or “I have 
       arrived “attitude.

They should consider themselves as much a “learner” as a “teacher”.

They should maintain an awareness of the extra accountability they have to God because of their role as a Bible teacher.        

 Some verses for teachers:  Ezr 7:10, Eze 44:23, 1Sam 12:23, Psa 25:9, 86:10, 51:13; Mt 28:19-20, 5:19; Lk 24:27, 12:12; Jhn 21:15, 13:34; Ac 5:42; Rm 2:19-24, 12:3, 14:12; 1Cr 12:28-29; Eph 4:11; Heb 5:12-14, 13:17,35; 1Tim 4:15, 6:3-5;  Tit 1:9.

Conflict Management

 

MARRIAGE CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

• Conflict is normal. It need not be “deadly.” Keep a sense of compassion and humor in the midst of it. Be frank, authentic, sincere, self-controlled, and compassionate. Don’t let issues become life or death. Don’t “strain out a gnat and swallow a camel.”

• Avoid like the plaque the “Four Horsemen of Marital Apocalypse” {Gottman}:

Criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling and contempt. [disdain, disrespect, hatred, condescension, scorn, derision]

• The goal is to use conflict to understand each other better, improve behavior, and get closer. In other words, to enhance the overall quality of your life.

• Learn to relax into your conflict. Put confidence in your ability to manage it. Monitor your level of stress. Breathe deep. De-escalate.

• Keep soft eyes, and a soft heart. Don’t become rigid or dogmatic. Entertain your mate’s ideas that you initially reject. Remember, this is someone you love and have a shared life with.

• Even the most happily married couples don’t resolve 69% of their conflicts. {Gottman}

• Don’t talk over each other. Listen and respond. Seek to understand your mate – not just to be understood.

• Allow yourself to be influenced – shaped – by your mate. Honor your mate’s perspective. Look for the kernel of truth in his/her perspective. Be malleable like clay, not hard like a billiard ball.

• Agree to disagree agreeably.

• “Shelve” an issue if either partner gets emotionally flooded or overwhelmed. This is not the same as “sweeping it under the carpet.” Your commitment is to pick up the issue later, when you are calmer.

• Never, ever resort to abusive language or acts. It always makes things worse, not better. Yelling does not make us more clearly heard and understood.

• Stretch yourself toward reconciliation if things go bad. Break the ice with humor. If all else fails, just be civil and polite – as you would to a visitor in your home.

• Choose to be friendly to your mate. Learn [or re-learn] how to be friends. Remember, this is someone who is trying to love you.

Because we love our people, we temper our anger--like steel, we temper it. We maintain a stern control of how we express our anger. We do not "lose it"; and we make no excuses for our inappropriately expressed anger. If we are unable to bridal our tongue and practice self-control in anger, we will be unsafe in any relationship, because all relationships have frustration, and frustration evolves into anger, and abusive anger will wear down and eventually destroy the love of those who are trying to love us.
Disagreements are inevitable. At some point within our relationships we will not see eye to eye and conflict can occur. This does not necessarily mean that something is wrong with your relationship or that you are doomed to a life of constant fighting. How you choose to handle these differences or disagreements can be a strong determinate to how your relationship progresses. When couples are able to negotiate instead of entering the “war zone”, disagreements can be an opportunity for growth and positive change, both personally and relationally. Couples therapy can be very beneficial when it comes to helping couples move from a state of conflict to one of resolution and understanding.
THE WAR ZONE
When an person feels in any way threatened by another, there are three types of “war zone” behaviors that are used to try to defend and protect oneself:
1.  HOT WAR:  (“The best defense is a good offense.”) One can attempt to control or change the other person by arguing, using threats (instilling fear), or by criticizing and accusing (instilling guilt). When people in disagreement continue to use hot war strategies, it escalates eventually into violence.
2. COLD WAR:  (“I’m not talking to you.”) One can refuse to comply with the others’ attempts to control, and try to avoid them as much as possible. This resistance is called passive-aggression and leads to a “don’t care” attitude that sabotages team efforts. The defensiveness of this strategy prevents one from being able to really listen to the other.
3. SURRENDER:  (“Have your way.”) External compliance can be used to avoid direct conflict. However, this passive-dependent message can encourage the other to continue their control tactics. Also, humans hate to surrender and will always resent giving up under pressure. This resentment builds and eventually turns into cold war or even hot war.
Although it may not look like war zone behavior, remember that surrender only happens in a war zone. At the Negotiating Table, there is mutual respect and a willingness to stand up for one’s rights. No one should chronically surrender to what he honestly believes to be erroneous or misguided.
A primary goal in conflict management is to help people move from the War Zone to the Negotiating Table and then learn to communicate effectively in that situation.
THE NEGOTIATING TABLE
When persons choose to discuss and negotiate their differences, they can develop certain non-war-zone attitudes that will facilitate mutually satisfying resolutions:
1. WIN-WIN GOAL (vs. win-lose): When persons in disagreement aim for a creative “win-win” outcome, they are much more likely to find it. But a need to win, or for the other to lose keeps them in the war zone. If the two are on the same team, then the other should never be regarded as an enemy. Remember that “a house divided against itself cannot stand”!
2. OPENNESS (vs. defensiveness): It is important for each person to be open to learning the others’ point of view in some depth. They do not have to agree but they do need to understand. Openness to a new or different perspective and a willingness to compromise are both necessary for progress. Openness on the parts of both sides allows for greater creativity in finding a solution.
3. ASSERTIVENESS (vs. aggressiveness or passivity): Each side must communicate clearly their point of view, what it is that they want, and what it is that they don’t want. They should try, in a non-threatening way, to help the other understand their own perspective. It is possible to take a stand in a way that shows both self-respect and respect for the other.
Also, each person needs to take responsibility for his/her own feelings, behavior, and its consequences. It is not proper to blame the other for one’s own emotional reactions. No one “makes” you angry, although you may react with anger.
4. COLLABORATION: All the above results in a growing ability to collaborate: a beautiful process by which humans make decisions that facilitate the common good, free from ego-conflicts, in a harmonious atmosphere. They can even disagree agreeably and still create a win-win while moving ahead toward constructive, life-enhancing goals.

Creation Meditation

Here’s a meditation for you. I want to ask you to take a few minutes, quiet your mind, and meditate on these verses and words:

 

"Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? [Tell me, if you understand ]…

while the morning stars sang together and all the angels  shouted for joy? “ Job 38:4,7

 

The LORD by wisdom hath founded the earth; by understanding hath he established the heavens.

Pro 3:19

 

 

 "The LORD possessed me at the beginning of his work, the first of his acts of old. 

Ages ago I was set up, at the first, before the beginning of the earth. 

When there were no depths I was brought forth, when there were no springs abounding with water.  Before the mountains had been shaped, before the hills, I was brought forth, 

before he had made the earth with its fields, or the first of the dust of the world. 

When he established the heavens, I was there; when he drew a circle on the face of the deep, 

when he made firm the skies above, when he established the fountains of the deep, 

when he assigned to the sea its limit, so that the waters might not transgress his command, when he marked out the foundations of the earth,  then I was beside him, like a master workman, and I was daily his  delight, rejoicing before him always,  rejoicing in his inhabited world and delighting in the children of man. ..” Pro 8:22-31

 

“While the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy.”

 

Can you picture that? Take a few moments to imagine and envision that reality.

 

That’s what was happening while God created the earth. Wisdom was with Him. Like a beautiful woman, in whom He was delighting, and who was “rejoicing before Him always, rejoicing in His inhabited world and delighting in the children of man.”  Delighting in us!  In you and I!

 

Imagine beautiful Wisdom dancing around God, rejoicing in what He was doing, as He was shaping all the earth, sea, sky—then all the creatures---Birds.  Butterflies [how she must have laughed in delight].

The sounds and sights of the seashore—[how she must have embraced Him in joyful gratitude].  All the while the morning stars were singing; and the angels were shouting joyfully.

And He created us—man and woman.  And said it was “very good”.  And she, Wisdom, delighted in us—like a mother delighting her children.

 

In Christ Jesus, we re-enter Paradise. The curse is broken. Heaven is open to us. Here and now.

Let us love each other and rejoice with God, the angels and Wisdom. We are free. We have been delivered from all the dark and oppressive forces of evil. Jesus is our Light, our Salvation, our Redeemer, and our Friend. He is with us always, even to the end of the age. We abide in Him. And He has overcome the world!

 

Let this eternal Truth settle so deeply into the very bones of your soul that Satan will never be able to cause you, even for a moment, to forget it.

 

Narcisism

As a counselor I have experienced that one of the toughest diagnoses [hardest persons to help]  is the narcissistic personality disorder.
Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms may include:

• Believing that you're better than others
• Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
• Exaggerating your achievements or talents
• Expecting constant praise and admiration
• Believing that you're special and acting accordingly
• Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings
• Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
• Taking advantage of others
• Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
• Being jealous of others
• Believing that others are jealous of you
• Trouble keeping healthy relationships
• Setting unrealistic goals
• Being easily hurt and rejected
• Having a fragile self-esteem
• Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional

You can see how this set of symptoms can make life difficult for family members--especially the children of a NPD parent, for whom I have the deepest sympathy. These parents do alright with their pre-adolescent children because, at that stage, children are trying to please their parents, look up to them, admire them, etc. But when adolescence sets in, with its normal urge toward individuation, the NPD parent cannot tolerate being thwarted or disrespected, or even disagreed with. This makes for a very difficult transition into adulthood for that adolescent, frequently ending in a permanent breach in the parent-child relationship, with guilt and a sense of failure on the adult child's part, constantly reinforced by the parent who is in agreement with that assessment. Any attempts on the adult child's part to reconcile that involve any level of confrontation of the parent will likely fail because of the parent's inability to tolerate unpleasant truth about him/herself. This is rooted, I believe, in a fragile self-esteem that the NPD symptoms are a defense against. It is excruciatingly painful for one with NPD to look clearly at his/her character defects. This creates an accumulation of unacknowledged failures/mistakes that becomes increasingly more difficult to face. The NPD creates a hard, sometimes impenetrable shell around the denied aspects of his/her personality and fiercely defends it against all onslaughts of truth.
It's important to acknowledge that most [perhaps all] humans have the tendency to defend against unpleasant truth about the self. From the Christian perspective, this is the wall of separation between sinful man and a forgiving, graceful God. The first step toward salvation is to acknowledge that one is a sinner; and all who have taken that step know how difficult it was. But they also know how gloriously liberating it was. This is the freedom that the NPD never experiences; and it is fitting therefore to have compassion for them. They are in a constant battle to protect a pretense of  OKness [or superiority]. Having compassion for them, however, does not negate the need to protect oneself from their toxic personalities. They constantly create no-win situations for their family members, and then blame the family member for the loss or failure. The normal deep desire of a child to be loved and blessed by their parent becomes a potential curse in this situation since the NPD is incapable of blessing and loving in that way. Corrective relationships in a church family, extended family or therapy can be a source of healing for the child of a NPD. One who is not adequately loved by a parent may have difficulty inwardly experiencing the Love of God. But I have seen repeatedly, in 30 years of mental health counseling, how God heals the wounds of childhood through those who have submitted to His Love, and become beautiful channels of it. [I pray for more of this great Love in our world.]