Narcisism

As a counselor I have experienced that one of the toughest diagnoses [hardest persons to help]  is the narcissistic personality disorder.
Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms may include:

• Believing that you're better than others
• Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
• Exaggerating your achievements or talents
• Expecting constant praise and admiration
• Believing that you're special and acting accordingly
• Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings
• Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
• Taking advantage of others
• Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
• Being jealous of others
• Believing that others are jealous of you
• Trouble keeping healthy relationships
• Setting unrealistic goals
• Being easily hurt and rejected
• Having a fragile self-esteem
• Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional

You can see how this set of symptoms can make life difficult for family members--especially the children of a NPD parent, for whom I have the deepest sympathy. These parents do alright with their pre-adolescent children because, at that stage, children are trying to please their parents, look up to them, admire them, etc. But when adolescence sets in, with its normal urge toward individuation, the NPD parent cannot tolerate being thwarted or disrespected, or even disagreed with. This makes for a very difficult transition into adulthood for that adolescent, frequently ending in a permanent breach in the parent-child relationship, with guilt and a sense of failure on the adult child's part, constantly reinforced by the parent who is in agreement with that assessment. Any attempts on the adult child's part to reconcile that involve any level of confrontation of the parent will likely fail because of the parent's inability to tolerate unpleasant truth about him/herself. This is rooted, I believe, in a fragile self-esteem that the NPD symptoms are a defense against. It is excruciatingly painful for one with NPD to look clearly at his/her character defects. This creates an accumulation of unacknowledged failures/mistakes that becomes increasingly more difficult to face. The NPD creates a hard, sometimes impenetrable shell around the denied aspects of his/her personality and fiercely defends it against all onslaughts of truth.
It's important to acknowledge that most [perhaps all] humans have the tendency to defend against unpleasant truth about the self. From the Christian perspective, this is the wall of separation between sinful man and a forgiving, graceful God. The first step toward salvation is to acknowledge that one is a sinner; and all who have taken that step know how difficult it was. But they also know how gloriously liberating it was. This is the freedom that the NPD never experiences; and it is fitting therefore to have compassion for them. They are in a constant battle to protect a pretense of  OKness [or superiority]. Having compassion for them, however, does not negate the need to protect oneself from their toxic personalities. They constantly create no-win situations for their family members, and then blame the family member for the loss or failure. The normal deep desire of a child to be loved and blessed by their parent becomes a potential curse in this situation since the NPD is incapable of blessing and loving in that way. Corrective relationships in a church family, extended family or therapy can be a source of healing for the child of a NPD. One who is not adequately loved by a parent may have difficulty inwardly experiencing the Love of God. But I have seen repeatedly, in 30 years of mental health counseling, how God heals the wounds of childhood through those who have submitted to His Love, and become beautiful channels of it. [I pray for more of this great Love in our world.]