Session
19: Christian
Spirituality in Therapy
Mark
Graham, M.Div, Ed.D., Covington,
LA
PRACTICAL
APPLICATIONS
Discover clients
affinity for faith.
Some questions for
intake form:
1. Do you have a
religious affiliation?
2. Is faith in God
an important factor in your life?
3. Would you like to
incorporate prayer and Scripture into our sessions?
Feel free to discuss
matters of faith with your counselor, or ask any questions about it.
Opening and closing
prayers: [with requested permission]
Example of Opening
Prayer:
Holy Father/Lord
Jesus/Heavenly Father/Creator and Lord of All:
Thank You for giving
us life. We recognize that we did not create ourselves nor this
beautiful earth that supplies all we need for biological existence.
We are thankful for the gift of life. And thank You for the beauty
that is all around us. Help us to see this beauty, and to recognize
it as a gift of love from You. Thank you for the gifts of music and
humor. Thank You that we can laugh...and cry. Thank You for the gift
of feelings. Even though some of them are difficult and painful, we
know that emotions are a gift also. Please help us to be mindful of
our eternal souls—our heart-of-hearts—and to cultivate Love and
good will, as You have commanded us, so that we can avail ourselves
of the gifts you have promised us: abundant life, peace and joy.
Please help us measure our spiritual growth by how well we are loving
others, and how much we are growing in the inner experience of peace,
joy and abundant life. We accept that this life will not be easy. You
told us we would have tribulation in this world. We know that to be
true. But You also commanded us to, nevertheless, be of good cheer
for You have overcome the world. And You are in us and we are in You.
In Your Holy Spirit we also overcome the trials and tribulations of
life. Help us therefore to maintain a vibrant hope. We renew our
commitment to love the people in our sphere of influence. Whatever
our suffering, may we rest assured that we can fulfill Your purposes
in our lives. We pray Your blessings upon this session. Please focus
us on those things that will be most helpful for our spiritual growth
in all areas that are most pleasing to You. Help us to be mindful of
Your love for us and for all in our sphere of influence. May our
lives always be guided by your Love, Truth and Goodness.
In Christ's Holy
name,
Amen
Alternative example
of opening prayer:
Jesus
promised to be with “two or more who are gathered in my name.”
{Matthew 18:20}
Lord,
we are gathered in your name.
Thank
you for your presence with us.
We
ask you to give each of us here a deep inner sense of your
presence—your spirit—your profound love for us and for everyone
in our sphere of influence.
You
have encouraged us to ask, in your name, for what we need. {John
14:13}
We
ask for wisdom, and that we might be guided by your Love and Truth.
Help
us to face our fears.
Help
us see ourselves as we truly are, especially our sinful natures that
are weak and blind.
Help
us to remember that you love us despite our faults, and are ready to
help us overcome.
Help us not to condemn ourselves as we look
honestly into our souls.
Thank
you for forgiveness and grace!
In
obedience to you we also forgive all who have hurt us in any way.
Keep
us in your perfect peace. Amen
Example of
Post-Session [closing] Prayer:
Lord we thank You
for the opportunity to open our hearts deeply in this way, knowing
that You are with us to help us deal with whatever has come forth in
a healthy and healing manner. Whatever Truth has come forth in this
session, may it be a seed planted in the fertile, receptive soil of
our souls. May it take root and grow, bearing the fruit of Your
Spirit within us: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness,
Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-control. May we be more of
everything You created us to become for having gathered ourselves
here. May Your will be done in our hearts and minds and lives, and on
earth, as it is in Heaven. And may Your Name be praised forever and
ever.
Amen
Scripture
that is particularly applicable in the counseling process:
SCRIPTURE REFERENCES
Regarding the
primary goal of the Christian life:
By
this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you have love
for one another.
{Jesus}
John 13:35
Greater love has
no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are
my friends if you do what I command you. This I command you: that you
love one another; as I have loved you, love one another. [Jesus]
John 15:12-14
Love
your enemies. Bless those who curse you. Do good to
those who hate you; and pray for those who despitefully use you and
persecute you, that you may be the children of your Father in heaven.
[Jesus] Matthew 5:44-45.
Jesus
said to him, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all
your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and most
important command.
The
second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.
All
the Law and the Prophets depend on these two commands.”
Matthew 22:37-40
Beloved
let us love one another, for love is of God and everyone who loves is
born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God for
God is love. 1John 4:7-8
St.
Augustine: "Since love grows within you, so beauty grows. For
love is the beauty of the soul."
de Chardin: “Someday, after
mastering the wind, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall
harness for God the energies of love; and then, for a second time in
the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.”
Some
powerful verses that are
liberating and healing:
In
the world you will have tribulation; nevertheless be of good cheer. I
have overcome the world.
{John
16:33} Breaks down a mindset of entitlement—to life being
easier. Moves us toward acceptance of the innate difficulty of
life; and, paradoxically, diminishes suffering—the suffering of
non-acceptance. Brings forth the power of acceptance.
Cheerfulness is a choice.
I
am in you, you in me, and I in the Father. {John 14:20} We
also can overcome the world! He is in us. This is profound for
those who can receive it.
There
is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
{Romans 8:1} We must not condemn ourselves or
others, nor receive it from others. To condemn is to
judge as damnable; render a guilty verdict.
Above
all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
{Proverbs 4:23}
We
can guard our hearts from toxic relational energy: blame, verbal
abuse, criticism, etc.
If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the
truth is not in us. If
we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins,
and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. {1John
1:8-9} Breaks
down denial.
Heals guilt and
shame. Emphasize “cleanse”.
Who
perceives his unintentional sins? Cleanse me from my hidden faults.
{Psalms
19:12}
The writer shows
great wisdom in acknowledging character defects that have not come
into consciousness. C.G. Jung — 'Until you make the unconscious
conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.'
Love
your enemies, bless those who curse you; do good to those who hate
you and pray for those who despitefully use you, that you may be the
children of your Father in heaven. {Matthew 5:44}
This
is helpful for Christian couples who have “fallen out of love” or
who don't feel love toward each other. De-emphasizes
the romantic concept of love. Also for anyone trapped in hatred of
any person. We can hate sin; but not a person. Love is a choice.
Jesus, in his love for us, gives us no excuse not to
love.
We
know that in everything God works for good with those who love him,
who are called according to his purpose. {Romans 8:28}
Sometimes we can see the
good that comes from our suffering; sometimes not. Faith reminds us
that we will, at some point, see the good in all of it.
Can
you find some redeeming value in your tribulations/sufferings? Then
there is something to be thankful for---which justifies the following
verse:
Be
thankful in all circumstances, for this is the will of
God in Christ Jesus for you. {1 Thessalonians 5:18} “If we
didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little. And if we
didn't learn anything, at least we didn't get sick. And if we got
sick, at least we didn't die.” There is always something
to be thankful for.
Why
is it so easy for you to see the speck in your brother's [spouse's]
eye, but so difficult to see the beam in your own eye. Don't be a
hypocrite. Get the beam out of your own eye first, then you can see
more clearly how to help your loved one get the speck out of there's.
{Matthew 7:3-5}
Addresses the blame and
defense dynamic: “It's not me; it's you.” Helps couples learn to
lead with confession rather than criticism or blame.
Brothers and
sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right,
whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if
anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
{Philippians 4:8} So we fix our eyes not on
what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary,
but what is unseen is eternal. [2Cor.4:18].
Here is a major component
of CBT—the cognitive component—that calls us into mindfulness.
What composes our thought life? Peace is promised [Phil 4:9] if we
shift our thinking toward lovely, admirable, etc. things and toward
the unseen, vs. seen aspects of life. The qualities of suffering
[fear, dread, despair, hopelessness] are unseen, as are the
qualities of healthy personality [love, joy, peace, freedom, faith
and hope].
Do
not return evil for evil, nor be overcome by evil; but rather
overcome evil with good.
Do not repay anyone evil
for evil. Give careful thought to do what is honorable in everyone’s
eyes. Rom 12:17,21 Helpful for any believer caught in a desire
for vengeance or wanting to hurt someone who has hurt him/her.
Couples frequently get caught in this cycle of returning hurt for
hurt. This, along with the command to “love your enemies” [Mt.
5:44] frees us from being controlled by the character defects of our
loved ones [or “enemies”]. Sometimes this returning evil
for evil is being lived out passive-aggressively.
Don’t worry about
anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with
thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God,
which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds
in Christ Jesus. {Phlp 4:6-7}
There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out
fear, because fear involves punishment. So the one who fears is not
complete in love. {1John 4:18}
If we pray about the things
we would otherwise worry about, and practice a chosen gratitude,
peace will supplant anxiety/worry over time. I
tell my clients to upgrade worry to healthy “concern.” Never
say “I'm worried about….” but rather “I'm concerned about...”
Love and gratitude are the enemies of fear and anxiety.
For
our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers,
against the authorities, against the cosmic powers of this darkness,
against evil, spiritual forces in the heavens. Eph 6:12
Our struggle is not against
our wife, husband, boss, co-workers, parents, siblings, etc. The
struggle is with whatever any of these people can evoke within us.
This transforms interpersonal conflict into spiritual warfare—and
potentially growth. Remember, Jesus commands us to love our enemies.
Regarding depression:
Then
He [Jesus] said to them, “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to
death. Stay here and watch with Me.” {Mat
26:38} Jesus
experienced deep sorrow—-but continued to love.
We
are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed,
but not in despair;
persecuted,
but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed—
{2Co 4:9}
There is a foundation underneath all sorrow and hardship below which
we cannot fall. “The house stands.” {Mt. 7:25} We can actually
rest in our depression.
The
Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach
good news to the poor.
He
has sent me to proclaim release to the captives and recovery of sight
to the blind, to set free the oppressed… {Luk
4:18} Jesus promises freedom from oppression. What is oppressing your
clients? What is oppressing you?
“Take
up my yoke and learn from me, because I am lowly and humble in heart,
and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my
burden is light.” Mat
11:29-30 Regarding self-care: The way that Jesus wants us to love
each other will never excessively drain or deplete us. His yoke is
easy, His burden light. He
loves the lover [counselor]as much as the beloved [client].
I
try to get my clients to measure their growth by how well they are
loving their people and by how much more peace, joy, and abundance of
life they are experiencing. To make these traits a conscious part of
our growth is very powerful.
Regarding
Forgiveness: Mt 18: 23-35
OTHER
RESOURCES:
Apologetics.
For clients who struggle with doubt yet want to increase in faith:
Lee
Stroble, The Case for Christ
C.S.
Lewis, Mere Christianity
Ravi
Zacharias: Many YouTube presentations and discussions
Greg
Boyd,
Letters
from a Skeptic:
A Son Wrestles with His Father's Questions about Christianity.
Free
download online
"Universe: Accident or Design" This blog site
Near
Death Experiences
Eben
Alexander, M.D. [neurosurgeon]
Proof
of Heaven,
and multiple online accesses
Mary
C. Neal, M.D. [orthopedic
spine surgeon] To
Heaven and Back,
and Seven
Lessons From Heaven
plus much YouTube access.
I
also recommend Eckhart Tolle's books and on-line meditations
IMAGINE
“Imagination
is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we
now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world,
and all there will ever be to know and understand.” Albert Einstein
Imagine
that you thoroughly believed in the one and only God of this
universe:
A
conscious being Who IS LOVE! Light; Freedom; Peace; Joy; ultimate
Truth; Eternal; Infinitely Wise and Powerful.
The
God of Jesus Christ. A Loving Parent Who commands us to love each
other but Who chooses not to control us, but rather gives us freedom,
even to do evil [live dysfunctionally].
Who
gives us His Holy Spirit as an internal Guide and empowerment to live
a truly successful life regardless of genes, circumstances, history,
or upbringing.
Who
promises to be with us always, even to the end of the world.
Who
promises to bring us to a place of spiritual completion—the
fulfillment of our heart's desires.
Who
tells us plainly that we will have tribulation, but that we can
overcome it all by abiding in His Spirit.
Who
is working ALL things together for the good of those who love Him and
are called according to His purpose. Rom 8:28
Who
loves others as much as He loves you; and holds you accountable for
how you treat them.
Who
can and will spiritually protect you from being defeated by evil.
Who
promises peace, joy, abundant and eternal life!
Who
offers rest for the beleaguered soul.
Imagine
that you had come to know, through and beyond doubt, that this is
Truth. And that this Truth had dawned in you like a sunrise, and was
now rising higher, like the sun going toward the full light of day.
Feel
the Power of that Truth to set you free. The God of the entire
universe is the Creator and Source of all Love: mother love, father
love, brother and sister love, man-woman love…
That
the God of the universe actually is this love—magnified by
the power that could create a billion galaxies!
Imagine
that you regularly called yourself into a mindfulness of this
Reality; lived in the Light of it; peacefully bound yourself to it
through devotional living, loving service, meditation and prayer.
Imagine that you did all this with a growing peace and confidence
born out of honestly and carefully facing doubts and fears; that you
had looked deeply into the alternatives of Faith and found them all
lacking and untenable. And that now, flowers, birds and children
could call you into a place of delight, gratitude and deeper faith.
Imagine
that when disaster blindsided you through a death or a diagnosis, you
accepted it peacefully as one of the tribulations that your Lord had
prepared you for; and you began immediately, without denial or
minimization, finding blessings amid the tribulation.
Imagine
that you knew that your reason for being here was to learn to love,
and to practice and perfect this love; and that your God and Creator
knew this about your heart, and was well-pleased with you, even
though your practice was weak and very imperfect. [This is Grace!]
Imagine
that what those who've had near death experiences are telling us is
true: That there is indescribable love, peace and completion on the
other side of death; to such an extent that a loving mother does not
have a desire to return to this earth-life.
Imagine
that you are free – with an infinite and growing freedom that is
not based on politics or nationality or circumstances; a freedom that
can not be taken away from you because it transcends earthly
realities.
Imagine
that the God of All has revealed Himself as our Friend!
O
Holy Father and Mother, Creator and Sustainer of All,
The
Conscious Core of the universe, beyond all concepts, beyond all
labels, beyond all religions; the Giver of all that is. Help us to
know You as You are. May we feel Your Love inwardly, and therefore
know, beyond all doubt, that we can Trust You in life and in death.
Fill
our hearts with Love and Peace and Gratitude. We are thankful to You,
O God, for life. You have given us Life. Our consciousness is a
product of Your consciousness. And we are alienated from Your
consciousness only as we are in darkness—the darkness that You
allow, in order for us to be free and for our lives to have meaning.
We recognize that there are many in this world who do not believe
that You exist or who have different ideas about You. We have come to
know You through Christ, Who has revealed You as a loving parent:
patient, merciful and kind; but also Who commands, and Who has the
rightful authority to command us to love each other. We understand
that You, O God, are Love—the love that you have put within
us for our children! You are constrained, in Your infinite freedom,
only by this Love. And we are also only constrained by it. This is a
joyful restraint! It is the constraint of freedom. And You, O God,
have always demanded that Your people be free. We receive, in this
moment, the gift of knowing that we are free, and allow ourselves,
with Your permission, to feel this freedom and the peace it brings
into our souls.
The
Peace that we find in You O God is also constrained by this Love. We
recognize the unnecessary suffering that we inflict upon ourselves
because we have not known, understood and submitted to this Love. We
are appalled that men still brutally kill men, women, children---that
there is hatred in our hearts toward each other, and that, even in
our most mature relationships there are lapses of selfishness and
abuse. We recognize that we have work to do. We pray for the Peace of
Christ as we do this work. Help us to be neither lazy nor compulsive
in this work of Love. Help us to be diligent---and peaceful. Help us
to overcome our fear of man, what he thinks about us or what he can
do to us. But, please Lord, help us to never stop loving him and
working for his freedom from all oppression; as we allow Your Spirit
in us to keep us free from oppression—even the frustrations of our
own and our peoples' failures and ignorance. Help us to take to heart
Your prayer from the Cross: “Father forgive them, for they don't
know what they are doing.”
Thank
You for Grace—Amazing Grace—that enables us to live free from
both denial and guilt. It is only in Your Love that we can look at
some of the ugliness in ourselves; and it is only by Your Grace that
we can be “cleansed from all unrighteousness.” Thank You for
giving us the Righteousness of Christ—unspeakable gift! We receive
Your Grace, forgiveness, and cleansing with deep gratitude and the
humility that recognizes that we did not earn it, nor are we entitled
to it; any more than we were entitled to life on this planet. You
give deliverance as freely as You have given life---deliverance from
all oppression. In this moment, we allow ourselves, with Your
permission, to feel free from all fear; to embrace our fears in
Faith. We allow ourselves to feel forgiven and healed of all the ways
our souls have been twisted by the darkness that is in our world.
Free from all oppression.
We
seek only to be motivated by Your Universal, Divine Love—Love for
all sentient beings, for life and goodness and truth—for all the
love that has been and is being expressed in the human family—for
kindness and generosity of heart—for the innocence of childhood,
and for the opportunity to return to it ourselves—for the
delivering power of forgiveness. And for the confidence of Your
promises: to be with us always, even to the end of the world; to
complete the work that You have begun in us—to give us eternal
life—to empower us to love effectively with eternal results.
We
renew our devotion to be obedient to You by loving others as we love
ourselves; and by doing what we can to facilitate the expansion of
Your Love in the hearts of humans—to work for Your Kingdom.
Amen—Let
it be so—Amen.
