Defensiveness

I've thought a lot about defensiveness. As a counselor I've seen alot of it; and as a human I've felt it inside myself. It's a normal reaction to feeling threatened or attacked--not only physically, but psychologically. I've learned to pay close attention to defensiveness in myself, and I encourage you to also.  It's a feeling something like anxiety, frustration or anger coupled with the need to block, disprove, or deflect some information being spoken by another person. Imagine a snake coiling up and rattling it's tail, a dog bristling up and growling, or a turtle drawing in to its shell. Imagine an inner part of your unseen self going into a martial arts defensive posture.  I feel it when someone speaks disparagingly or condescendingly about the Christian Faith--or when someone challenges my character, abilities or motives.  I take it personally.
It is very important to discipline and control our defensive reactions.  Much personal growth is thwarted by defensiveness.  This is because we have a great tendency to defend ourselves against all uncomfortable information--even it is true.  And we desperately need the truth in order to grow.  We cannot move beyond any character defects that we will not acknowledge.  That's why God has commanded us to "confess" our sins, and that if we say we have no sin we deceive ourselves [1Jn 1:8-9].  Defensiveness issues out of pride, which leads to some kind of personality collapse [Prov. 16:18].
Think about this:  Anything that anyone could ever say about you falls into one of two categories:  It is either true, or false.  If it is true, you would be a fool to defend yourself against it. You need truth as much as good food in order to prosper.  And if it is false, defensiveness is still unnecessary.  You need only maintain patient curiosity to expose the misunderstanding. If someone is angry and wants to make you out to be an evil person, your defensiveness will only confirm their convictions.
I encourage you to be very mindful of your defensiveness.  See it as the non-productive dynamic that it is. Take hold of it when [not if] it comes up in you. Replace it with an attitude of compassionate, truth-seeking curiosity.  If you discover something about yourself that needs some growth-work, you should be very thankful.  God is well-pleased when you "confess" rather than deny your sins [character defects]. It really is OK that we are not perfect, as long as we can admit it.

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