Emotional Dysregulation

One primary result of adverse childhood experiences {ACEs, which I encourage you to research} is the inability to regulate emotions. We know now that the parts of the brain that are connected to the "fight, flight or freeze" reactions are exaggerated during prolonged exposure to adversity such as violence or threat of violence, neglect, addicted parents, abuse, abandonment, etc. The growing child becomes programmed for drama, fear and reactionism. Those neurons in the brain that serve to protect the self against threat become over-active, and this dynamic does not quickly subside when the threat is no longer present.  The child's brain, in its developmental state, is much more adaptable and malleable than the adult brain, and the programming continues into adulthood. This is why every caring adult should be aware of the importance of providing our children with a stable, nurturing, safe, secure and attentive environment. This takes adults who are capable, compassionate and unhurried enough to pay attention to children. It takes a hundred units of love in adulthood to accomplish what one unit of love accomplishes in childhood. Thankfully, God is infinite Love!
How does one overcome this emotional dysregulation that causes so much turmoil and difficulty in relationships? One must first come to know that he/she is dysregulated. This means that one assumes responsibility for the processing, the living out of those emotions, and seeks a loving, trustworthy, compassionate and strong set of friends, church members, therapist, mentor and/or guide to begin to resonate with. Information is not enough. Information about a foreign language does not enable one to speak it. One must immerse himself in the language until it begins to flow within him. This is what I mean by "resonate." The Bible says "I have calmed and quieted my soul. As a baby at its mother's breast is my soul" [Psalms 131:2 RSV].   To experience the inner reality of those words is a doorway to emotional regulation. To discover what it means to "be still and know that He is God"[Psalms 46:10].  In this holy stillness one discovers or enters into an inner realm [that is also beyond the self] that is and can become more and more of a refuge or sanctuary from the emotional hurricanes that have been driving one's life and behaviors. She can then practice re-entering this place, or perhaps better stated, staying in touch with this Reality, when she is blindsided by one of life's crises, or when the events occur that used to evoke the reactive and counter-productive drama. The Holy Spirit is manifested in her in the form of "self-control"  and "peace" [Gal 5:22-23]. The process of regulating our emotions is challenging and life-long for all of us. It is the work of Love, and must be inspired [in the literal sense of that word] by the Holy Spirit, Who is Love [Phil 2:13] [1 John 4:8].